Help with grammar and etc.

Question

Is this a good introduction in a essay for the topic would you be better off if you did'nt own a television? Discuss.

My life would not be better off if I did not won a television. Television is a way to get faster news. It provides pictures along with the saying. Television is a good way to see more action than hearing alone.

Answer 1

Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. Here are few things to consider:

1. if I did not won a television. = ncorrect grammar = if I did not own OR if I had not won

2. "It provides pictures along with the saying." = not too clear using "saying." Can you restate this?

3. more action than hearing alone = again, can you restate this? Perhaps adding "action rather than merely hearing something.

Sra

Answer 2

Everything Sra has written is correct. I hope you'll revise with her ideas in mind. Then you need to add a thesis statement at the end of your introduction.

Read about thesis statements here:
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html

Please repost and let us know what you come up with.