Hello Sir/Mam,
This is what i have prepared for my first assignment, please let me know all my mistakes like grammar, speeling, punctuations,language, sentences and any other mistakes which you think i have made. and also i want to know if i have put the ideas properly as required for the exam , if not please correct me.
THIS IS WHAT THEY NEED -
Background
You’ve applied for a specific job in your field of study. The Human Resources Department arranges an
interview and tells you to bring with you a polished piece of writing for them to evaluate your writing
skills. The paragraph must describe one particular experience you’ve had that inspired you or guided
you to choose the type of position for which you applied.
Your audience is your potential employer and your purpose is to show you have thought carefully
about what and/or who has motivated you toward this career choice and why. In addition, you want
to convey your enthusiasm for this position as it relates to your inspiring experience. Take time to
think about what your audience wants to know and strive to reach a balance between informal and
formal business writing.
• Sufficient detail/support (30 points)
Each paragraph uses specific details, facts, and figures to support your controlling idea and the
purpose of the assignment. The description and analysis of the experience for Paragraph 1
clearly show how and why you chose the area of employment and your excitement about that
field of study. Paragraph 2 contains enough proof to convince the cousin that she has the skills
and the job is beneficial for her.
• Unified, coherent development (20 points)
Each paragraph represents a unified whole and shows coherent development. It maintains a
single, organized focus without clutter. You show thoughtful use of appropriate transitions and
connective discussion to guide the reader and to maintain clear focus. Each sentence flows
logically and clearly to the next sentence.
• Clear topic sentence (10 points)
Each paragraph has only one strong topic sentence appropriate to the assignment and audience.
It’s the first sentence. Every other sentence in the paragraph develops/supports that topic sentence.
• Sentence structure (10 points)
Each sentence is correctly structured. Each paragraph effectively uses a variety of sentence
structures and length to achieve the purpose of the assignment. There are no run-on sentences
or fragments.
• Grammar, word usage, spelling, punctuation (20 points)
Each paragraph contains correct word usage as fits the audience, the purpose, and the
assignment, showing application of skills covered in all four study units.
Your essay is free of grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors.
• Length and format (10 points)
Each paragraph uses the assigned heading and is double-spaced using Times New Roman, font
size 12. Each paragraph contains 8–12 sentences. You’ve included the required header information.
This is what i have prepared -
I am applying for Medical Administrative Assistant career opportunity posted on your
Website for one of your Kaiser Location. This position is responsible for performing full
Range of medical administration duties. The Health Care industry has always been a
dream of mine to pursue, however my passion for medical administrative assistant arose due to my personal experience while doing volunteer in Sutter Hospital , where I had assisted medical administration by performing various duties such as : Provide efficient and friendly customer service when making appointments in person and over the telephone, Update patient’s information in excel database to ensure work low runs smoothly , maintain and arrange files; print, photocopy and fax reports , assisted parents and families of patients by greeting them in a warm and friendly manner and directing them to relevant waiting areas , maintaining confidentiality , meeting new people every day , all this experiences grew more enthusiasm in me . Since past year I’ve been a stay-at-home mother and now I’m seeking a new opportunity for advancement and to ensure a stable future for myself and my family , therefore with my excellent experience while volunteering medical administration and by successfully completing Diploma in Medical Administrative assistant I would be really love to participate in this kind of job every morning. As a medical administrative assistant within your company, I am confident that I could make a valuable contribution to the medical team serving your patients and the company in a timely manner.
Thanks & Regards
NIks
3 answers
Check through your writing and correct these types of things:
capitalization
commas
singular and plural noun forms
run-ons and comma splices
getting rid of cliches and using real terms
correct uses of articles (a, an, the)
Have someone read your paper aloud to you; wherever the reader stumbles, you probably have a correction to make.
Revise and repost, and someone here will help you with this.
1 answer