To me, it is wordy. But more importantly, my reading of the story is about the impact of abuse on children: Chloe who ran away to escape, Ruthie's guilt for not staying with Chloe, and Alistair's guilt and frustration for not having the courage to have left home with Chloe. I don't see perfection anywhere in the story, I do see flaws, but for me, the read focuses on imperfections in all of use, and the guilt we can try to live thru when something bad happens that we might have been able to prevent.
But then all of us get something different out of any read.
Concentrate on wordiness...it might help if you made sentences shorter.
Hello, I have edited my essay myself and went through Grammarly. Can you please help me re-edit it.
Akiwenzie-Damm's Compassion for the Characters in Chloe
Perfection and flaws are the opposite, surprisingly they also go hand-in-hand with each other as exhibited in the short story ‘Chloe’ by Akiwenzie-Damm. Kateri Akiwenzie-Damm maintains the readers’ compassion while highlighting their faws. The narrator, Ruthie, helps her childhood friend, Alistair, search for his missing sister. Through this journey, their flaws are shown, but each flaw is an indication of their pain and love.
Alistair’s volatile nature, both his violent and emotional outbursts are certainly flaws but also are indicative of the pain he is in and how much he loves his sister. The short story begins with Alistair and Ruthie driving around the city, desperately searching around for Alistair’s missing sister, Chloe. During this trip, Alistair outburst occurred when he thinks about his sister and when he feels helpless searching for her. For instance, both his violent and emotional outburst was shown, when he slams his civic car “into the park” and when he randomly jumps out of his car to slam “his fist into the nearest fence, light pole, and door” (Akiwenzie-Damm 121). Furthermore, when he heard a story about the missing women on the news, he reacted harshly. “His phone was ripped out of the wall and the TV was also in pieces, either kicked in or smashed with a chair” (Akiwenzie-Damm 123). Although his volatile nature can be seen as flaws, they are also results of not finding his missing sister, and not knowing other ways to deal with his emotions.
His over-protectiveness, both towards Chloe and Ruthie – again, in one sense a flaw, but there’s readers’ compassion because he is trying to keep the women he cares about safe. Before Chloe left home, Alistair “never strayed far from his sister and no matter what he was doing he’d look her every few minutes” (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). He did this so he could protect her from their abusive step-father. If anyone approached Chloe in a bad way, “he was immediately by her side” (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). So, when Chloe told him she was leaving, he was hurt and felt helpless. He uses the same strategy as he did with Chloe, but he watches Ruthie “more careful now, more aware, stronger, less innocent” (Akiwenzie-Damm 127). His protectiveness towards Ruthie leads him to strongly examine Ruthie’s boyfriend, Jayjay. It took “a suitable amount of surveillance, questioning and snipping for traces of windigo” to trust him (Akiwenzie-Damm 129). Furthermore, Alistair’s flaw was caring too much about each women’s safety.
Ruthie leaving Chloe alone with Tom is a flaw in one sense, but she only did it because of her fear of Tom. One summer when she and her sister, Roxy was walking on the road with Chloe, she meets Tom for the first time. When he walked towards them, she felt her “hair stand” and a “strange sensation” on the back of her neck (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). Although she notices the light in Chloe’s eyes went out, she escapes with her sister, leaving “Chloe to face the dark” (Akiwenzie-Damm 127). Nevertheless, it is clear she does care about Chloe, both in the past and present. Before she escapes with her sister, she invited Chloe to have dinner with their family. In the present, she is unable to forget her. She explains that she wishes “she’s okay and the darkness around her was just a trick of shadow and light” (Akiwenzie-Damm 127). All things considered; the situation is difficult for anyone to face especially at a young age.
In conclusion, there’s readers’ compassion for Ruthie and Alistair despite their flaws. The characters are a representation of the beauty of human imperfections. Alistair over-protectiveness and volatile nature were because he cares for the women in his life. On the other hand, Ruthie leaving Chloe behind was because of her fear of Tom. Therefore, it proves the point that perfection is hard to obtain even for fictional characters whose flaws are highlighted.
6 answers
I agree with bobpursley. Here's a link to help you deal with wordiness:
http://guidetogrammar.org/grammar/concise.htm
Read this webpage thoroughly and the start pruning these sentences and paragraphs!
http://guidetogrammar.org/grammar/concise.htm
Read this webpage thoroughly and the start pruning these sentences and paragraphs!
We were given topics and short stories to choose from.
I chose this topic: The characters in the stories are typically very human, and therefore not perfect. How does the writer establish and maintain the reader’s compassion for the narrator or protagonist, despite his/her flaws?
I was leading more into the compassion part, I am thinking the topic paragraph and closing paragraph was focusing on the wrong thing. Also, would you advise me to change the title? I was finding it difficult to find the right title.
I chose this topic: The characters in the stories are typically very human, and therefore not perfect. How does the writer establish and maintain the reader’s compassion for the narrator or protagonist, despite his/her flaws?
I was leading more into the compassion part, I am thinking the topic paragraph and closing paragraph was focusing on the wrong thing. Also, would you advise me to change the title? I was finding it difficult to find the right title.
Definitely change that title! It needs to invite someone to want to read the paper.
You might also consider this: Use the author's name ONCE in the beginning paragraph, but thereafter refer to the author as "the author."
You might also consider this: Use the author's name ONCE in the beginning paragraph, but thereafter refer to the author as "the author."
Okay! Thank you.
*NEW COPY* I hope I got most of the wordiness. Also, what about the title?
The imperfections of the characters in Chloe
“All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world.” This quote by Haruki Murakami speaks of how there is no such thing as perfection. In Chloe by Kateri Akiwenzenzie-Damn, the narrator and main character are an example of imperfect human beings. The author maintains the reader’s compassion for the characters despite their flaws. The narrator, Ruthie, helps her childhood friend, Alistair search for his missing sister. Through this journey, their flaws are shown, but each flaw is an indication of their pain and love.
Alistair’s volatile nature, both his violent and emotional outbursts are flaws but also are indicative of the pain he is in and how much he loves his sister. The short story begins with Alistair and Ruthie driving around the city, searching around for Alistair’s missing sister, Chloe. Alistair's outburst occurred when he slams his civic car “into the park” and when he jumps out of his car to slam “his fist into the nearest fence, light pole, and door” (Akiwenzie-Damm 121). Furthermore, when he heard the story about the missing women on the news, he reacted harshly. “His phone was ripped out of the wall and the TV was in pieces, either kicked in or smashed with a chair” (Akiwenzie-Damm 123). Although his outbursts can be seen as flaws, they are also results of not finding his missing sister, and not knowing other ways to deal with his emotions.
His over-protectiveness, both towards Chloe and Ruthie – again, in one sense a flaw, but there’s readers’ compassion because he is trying to keep the women he cares about safe. Alistair “never strayed far from his sister and no matter what he was doing he’d look her every few minutes” (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). He did this so he could protect her from their abusive step-father. If anyone approached Chloe in a bad way, “he was immediately by her side” (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). So, when Chloe told him she was leaving, he felt hurt and helpless. He uses the same strategy as he did with Chloe, but he watches Ruthie “more carefully, more aware, stronger, and less innocent” (Akiwenzie-Damm 127). His protectiveness towards Ruthie leads him to examine Ruthie’s boyfriend, Jayjay. It took “a suitable amount of surveillance, questioning and snipping for traces of windigo” to trust him (Akiwenzie-Damm 129). Furthermore, Alistair’s flaw was caring too much about each women’s safety.
Ruthie leaving Chloe alone with Tom is a flaw, but she only did it because of her fear of Tom. When she and her sister, Roxy was walking on the road with Chloe, she meets Tom for the first time. When he walked towards them, she felt her “hair stand” and a “strange sensation” on the back of her neck (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). Although she notices the light in Chloe’s eyes went out, she escapes with her sister, leaving “Chloe to face the dark” (Akiwenzie-Damm 127). Nevertheless, it is clear she does care about Chloe, both in the past and present. Before she escaped with her sister, she invited Chloe to have dinner with their family. In the present, she is unable to forget her.
In conclusion, there’s readers’ compassion for Ruthie and Alistair despite their flaws. Alistair's over-protectiveness and outbursts were because he cares for the women in his life. Also, Ruthie leaving Chloe behind was because of her fear of Tom. Thus, this proves that each flaw is an indication of their pain and love.
The imperfections of the characters in Chloe
“All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world.” This quote by Haruki Murakami speaks of how there is no such thing as perfection. In Chloe by Kateri Akiwenzenzie-Damn, the narrator and main character are an example of imperfect human beings. The author maintains the reader’s compassion for the characters despite their flaws. The narrator, Ruthie, helps her childhood friend, Alistair search for his missing sister. Through this journey, their flaws are shown, but each flaw is an indication of their pain and love.
Alistair’s volatile nature, both his violent and emotional outbursts are flaws but also are indicative of the pain he is in and how much he loves his sister. The short story begins with Alistair and Ruthie driving around the city, searching around for Alistair’s missing sister, Chloe. Alistair's outburst occurred when he slams his civic car “into the park” and when he jumps out of his car to slam “his fist into the nearest fence, light pole, and door” (Akiwenzie-Damm 121). Furthermore, when he heard the story about the missing women on the news, he reacted harshly. “His phone was ripped out of the wall and the TV was in pieces, either kicked in or smashed with a chair” (Akiwenzie-Damm 123). Although his outbursts can be seen as flaws, they are also results of not finding his missing sister, and not knowing other ways to deal with his emotions.
His over-protectiveness, both towards Chloe and Ruthie – again, in one sense a flaw, but there’s readers’ compassion because he is trying to keep the women he cares about safe. Alistair “never strayed far from his sister and no matter what he was doing he’d look her every few minutes” (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). He did this so he could protect her from their abusive step-father. If anyone approached Chloe in a bad way, “he was immediately by her side” (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). So, when Chloe told him she was leaving, he felt hurt and helpless. He uses the same strategy as he did with Chloe, but he watches Ruthie “more carefully, more aware, stronger, and less innocent” (Akiwenzie-Damm 127). His protectiveness towards Ruthie leads him to examine Ruthie’s boyfriend, Jayjay. It took “a suitable amount of surveillance, questioning and snipping for traces of windigo” to trust him (Akiwenzie-Damm 129). Furthermore, Alistair’s flaw was caring too much about each women’s safety.
Ruthie leaving Chloe alone with Tom is a flaw, but she only did it because of her fear of Tom. When she and her sister, Roxy was walking on the road with Chloe, she meets Tom for the first time. When he walked towards them, she felt her “hair stand” and a “strange sensation” on the back of her neck (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). Although she notices the light in Chloe’s eyes went out, she escapes with her sister, leaving “Chloe to face the dark” (Akiwenzie-Damm 127). Nevertheless, it is clear she does care about Chloe, both in the past and present. Before she escaped with her sister, she invited Chloe to have dinner with their family. In the present, she is unable to forget her.
In conclusion, there’s readers’ compassion for Ruthie and Alistair despite their flaws. Alistair's over-protectiveness and outbursts were because he cares for the women in his life. Also, Ruthie leaving Chloe behind was because of her fear of Tom. Thus, this proves that each flaw is an indication of their pain and love.
1 answer