You don't seem to have understood or applied anything Bob Pursley has suggested to you.
Send it in as is. The admissions people need to see YOUR writing, not our fixes.
can someone edit this. also, does it sound too melodramatic?
And so, dear reader, I am no longer a child. I was unable to maintain my simplest and purest form, as the fragile innocence of my childhood has been taken. I am like an old book, torn and weathered from time, permanently carved from experience's brutal savagery. But I wear these scars proudly, as they encompass a story of valor, change, and growth. I understand that I am a chance applicant. Nevertheless, I hope that as you read my transcript, you can see beyond just the numbers and letters inscribed on the paper. For it is more than merely ink stamped on stationary, and I am more than the student with only a 2.68 GPA. Let me be reckless, even perhaps elitist, to propose that I know I will excel at Uconn. I am fully aware that my cumulative GPA is under what you typically look for in applicants, but my current GPA now exceeds it. I unquestionably intend to keep improving this, and I will continue to significantly improve in my academic studies. I implore you to recognize my abilities to succeed and my interminable drive to triumph, as I will carry this mindset to help me be successful through college. I am fully confident that I will continue to successfully increase my GPA and grow in my academics, and so, if accepted, I am thoroughly certain that I will continue this positive trend and serve as a beneficial asset to the University of Connecticut. I have come to thrive in challenges and grow from every obstacle that I have faced, and so I beseech you to allow me the opportunity to prove this by becoming a positive addition to your school.
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I did, I edited my entire essay, Im just trying to explain to admissions my point of view
Then send it.
what is it too wordy?
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