Can someone provide feedback on my intro to a body paragraph?
Some say that police brutality is not a big issue in our country at the moment. They say that officers have the legal right to protect themselves and others using their best judgment, and we should just trust them in doing their job to the best of their ability. I do believe that letting the police do their job without much interference is important, but some guidelines must be put down for them to follow, as things cannot continue in the way that they have gone.
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"Some say" and "they say" are weak phrases. Who says? Be more specific. If your thesis is that better guidelines must govern police actions, you need to make that your lead sentence.
I agree, and your frequent use of "them" reveals something about your writing perspective that does not speak to strength .
3 answers