Asked by mysterychicken

Can you please revise this for me?
Tears:
Easily coming, easily going. Effortless work for salty streams flowing. Might come when you're here, might come when you go. But tears are definitely good work's foe

---Does the last line make sense?---
thanks
Answered by GuruBlue
Great idea! Look at this format and let me know if it does what you want.
About the last two line, they don't seem to go with the rest.

Easily coming,
Easily going.
Effortless work,
Salty streams flowing.
Easily coming
Whenever you're here,
And easier still
Whenever you're going.
Answered by mysterychicken
Oh thank you so much! that's great! i wasn't sure about the last 2 lines.
You won't mind if I use ure lines do you? ^^ also i have one on screams:
Everywhere shouting
sad faces pouting
Hurting a heart
making us part
Giving a scare
No one to care
Why can't they cease,
to bring some peace?
thanks again :)
Answered by GuruBlue
The one on screams works!

You are welcome. Sometimes just formatting a poem in a different way will give it a better meaning.

One suggestion, be aware of "beat". Beat is what makes a poem floooooowwwww. <G> Just like music.
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