Source A, C and E tells = because it is a compound subject, the verb needs to be plural = tell (they tell)
line 2, lavery is a typo = slavery
Americans = these are the people and you need "Americas."
jewellery.= spelling = jewelry
Also check your dictionary for "benefitted" as it is usually "benefited"
alot of money = 2 words = a lot
Briatin. = Is that Britain?
lasted for long = or lasted so long
neede = either need or needed (typo)
If the rubric is 10 for a perfect score, here are some suggestions:
1. Always proofread for subject/verb agreement, spelling, punctuation, etc.
2. Take some of the simple sentences and combine them into a complex/compound sentence to make your writing more sophisticated.
3. Check to be sure there is not too much repetition, although repetition is one way to stress your points.
4. Were you given the number of words or told to write a multiparagraph essay? If so, for example in a 5-paragraph essay, the first has the topic sentence, what you are going to discuss. The last last has the summation and the 3 inbetween make your case.
Feel free to correct everything and repost for final proofreading, if you have time.
Sra
Why did slavery last so long?
Is my answer good enough 4 ten marks?
What else do I need to add?
Slavery lasted for so long for many reasons. Source A, C and E tells me about the harsh conditions slaves lived in. After the 1440's lavery became a way of life from which there was no escape. This is the case in these sources because they were forced onto a ship. The transportation of the slaves was also a long process. The journey fro Africa to the Americans became known as the Middle Passage. The journey took between six and twelve weeks. It also lasted for long because once the ship had arrived, slaves were most commonly sold through auction. This took a long time because interested buyers would take time to examine the slaves.
The main reason why slavery lasted so long was because it became international and made huge profits. Many people benefitted financially especially the British who got many products such as sugar and cotton from the slaves. This was part of the 'triangular trade'. Slavery was also profitable for many owners and slave traders. Africans were involved in the slave trade and they were exchanged for goods such as alcohol, cloths, metals, jewellery. This made alot of money and so no one tried to stop slavery. If they abolished slavery and the slave trade there would be many unemployed men. There would be so many jobs which would help the growing of Briatin.
Despite the hard conditions slaves lived in shown in sources A, B, C, and E, very few people objected to slavery until the 1800's. The slaves, themselves, were mostly powerless to fight against armed men who had the law on their side. Slavery became a way of life in which there was no escape.
Slavery also lasted for long because people disagreed with the abolition of the slave trade. Source F tells me that if the abolition should take place, the economy would suffer and Source G tells me that it would be a devastation of the West Indies colonies. Plantation owners in parliament neede slaves and did not agree with abolishing slaves.
Please tell me if I need to adjust the structure and plz tel me how. What else do I need to add or get rid of?
2 answers
i mean is it good enough in the actual information and not typos or verbs. Do I need to add anythin to the actual content. I can adjust the other things wen i write up the real version. Is there any other reasons because it seems too short.