My opinion?
I haven't been following the threads from you and Writeacher very carefully, so I don't know what she's suggested. However, if you've followed her advice, you've probably done the best you can.
I can't tell how convincing this is because I don't know if it's addressed to students today or students in the 60s.
I do firmly believe that writing is a very personal activity and that it's the writer's responsibility to keep working on a piece until it meets his/her satisfaction. Letting it sit for a few days and then returning to it gives the writer new insights.
What do you think? Does it require any improvements? Do you find what I have written persuasive? What do you suggest?
What I have been assigned: "[w]rite a 3-paragraph editorial that tries to persuade students at the University of Georgia to accept African-American students."
What I have written: "As a student, why have you enrolled in the University of Georgia? What do you wish or intend to gain? You might answer by naming the degree you want to pursuit in order to achieve your dream job. This is the same reason African Americans have for attending our university as well. However, although they came here merely for an education, African Americans have only dealt with harsh prejudice at the University of Georgia so far. Therefore, it is time for us to make a change.
Today, in the majority of our society, the harsh treatment of African Americans is not only accepted, but also encouraged. Nevertheless, we must change our cruel behavior toward them. They have become like us: students who have the same goals for education. How would you feel if you were hated by every member of the student body before they even knew your name? If you were judged by a characteristic you are born with? The color of their skin doesn’t nor shouldn’t matter. Like us, African Americans are living, breathing beings. Although many believe them to be inhuman, they have feelings and emotions; hopes and dreams. Like us, they also wish to receive an education. And who are we to deny themselves of that? Who are we to deny them of learning, to harass them, to judge them based upon their skin tone? We consider them as monsters, but what are we when we treat African Americans in this way? How are we any different from the vile creatures they are described as and that are told about to children by their parents at night?
Furthermore, African American students deserve to be treated with respect because, according to the Declaration of Independence, “all men are equal” and “they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights.” Therefore, they have the same right to attend this university as we do. Thus, we have no reason to treat African American students as unfairly and cruelly as we have. Yes, this type of behavior may be considered as “the norm” towards African Americans, but the reality of the situation is that this needs to change. Forget whatever you have been told. They are humans who came here as students; nothing more. So, we should treat them as such; as we want to be treated."
3 answers
It is adressed to students in 60s.
Your revision of the first sentence of the second paragraph is really good. Nice job.
As long as you are addressing students in the '60s, this is fine.
As long as you are addressing students in the '60s, this is fine.
1 answer