This passage uses a mix of first-person Third person point of view ,and the verb tenses are inconsistent. To improve this passage, we should use a consistent third-person point of view and maintain a consistent present tense.

Question

(make this look like a 5th grader wrote it)

Answer 1

Sure! Here’s a revised passage in a consistent third-person point of view and present tense, written at a fifth-grade level:

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Emily loves to visit the park after school. She enjoys playing on the swings and watching the birds fly in the sky. Her best friend Jake joins her, and they often run around the playground, laughing and having fun. Sometimes, they find interesting bugs on the ground and wonder what they are. Emily thinks the park is the best place to spend time with friends. She believes every visit is an adventure.

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Let me know if you need any changes!