Other than (perhaps) put in some punctuation... I think it is super.
Regarding punctuation... I think I would use dashes or a series of dots. instead of commmas or semi-colons... Just put a period at the end. The dashes/dots indicate (to me) a continuing thought...musing....
please read this poem and tell me how I can inprove it. Thanks!
Where have you been
I almost forgot you
Its been a year or so
Since I’ve seen you last
Why did you have to come back
I was trying to forget you
And forget what you did
Why bring back the bad memories
Can’t you just leave now
Like you did before
So I can try to forget you again
Isn’t it obvious I want you gone
This time when you leave
I want it to be for good
I don’t want to see you again
Just leave now
Just leave before I fall for you
Before I start in that terrible cycle again
I don’t want to be with you ever
So as you leave this time
And walk out that door
Don’t look back
Because I’ll have already gone
5 answers
Like this??
Where have you been,
I almost forgot you.
Its been a year or so,
Since I’ve seen you last.
Why did you have to come back.
I was trying to forget you
And forget what you did.
Why bring back the bad memories.
Can’t you just leave now,
Like you did before.
So I can try to forget you again.
Isn’t it obvious I want you gone?
This time when you leave,
I want it to be for good.
I don’t want to see you again,
Just leave now.
Just leave before I fall for you.
Before I start in that terrible cycle again.
I don’t want to be with you ever.
So as you leave this time,
And walk out that door.
Don’t look back,
Because I’ll have already gone.
Where have you been,
I almost forgot you.
Its been a year or so,
Since I’ve seen you last.
Why did you have to come back.
I was trying to forget you
And forget what you did.
Why bring back the bad memories.
Can’t you just leave now,
Like you did before.
So I can try to forget you again.
Isn’t it obvious I want you gone?
This time when you leave,
I want it to be for good.
I don’t want to see you again,
Just leave now.
Just leave before I fall for you.
Before I start in that terrible cycle again.
I don’t want to be with you ever.
So as you leave this time,
And walk out that door.
Don’t look back,
Because I’ll have already gone.
Where have you been.....
I almost forgot you.
Its been a year or so
Since I’ve seen you last.
Why did you have to come back?
I was trying to forget you
And forget what you did.
Why bring back the bad memories...
Can’t you just leave now
Like you did before...
So I can try to forget you again.
Isn’t it obvious I want you gone?
This time when you leave
I want it to be for good.
I don’t want to see you again.
Just leave now.
Just leave before I fall for you...
Before I start in that terrible cycle again.
I don’t want to be with you ever.
So as you leave this time
And walk out that door,
Don’t look back.
I will have already gone.
I almost forgot you.
Its been a year or so
Since I’ve seen you last.
Why did you have to come back?
I was trying to forget you
And forget what you did.
Why bring back the bad memories...
Can’t you just leave now
Like you did before...
So I can try to forget you again.
Isn’t it obvious I want you gone?
This time when you leave
I want it to be for good.
I don’t want to see you again.
Just leave now.
Just leave before I fall for you...
Before I start in that terrible cycle again.
I don’t want to be with you ever.
So as you leave this time
And walk out that door,
Don’t look back.
I will have already gone.
Thanks! :P
Welcome entirely =)
1 answer