Yes, wordy!! If you remove the underlined parts below (and rephrase if necessary; I've included some wording in bold in places), it should read more smoothly. Once you've done that, though, be sure to read it out loud to someone, just to make sure there are no extra words and no omitted words.
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I am writing to inform you that I have read and summarized The JA memo you requested, it was my pleasure to do so is summarized below.
The main purpose of this memo, written by Joe Achiever's memo is to give details about the JA 23rd annual Junior Achievement Bowl-a-thon fundraiser. This event will take place on Saturday, November 1st, in the Greater Bridgeport/Valley area and continued on Saturday, November 8th, in the Greater Danbury area. The fundraiser will be held at three different locations: Brookfield Lanes in Brookfield, Nutmeg Lanes in Fairfield, and Valley Bowl in Derby. This fundraiser will benefit educational programs for schools throughout the region. (elementary, middle, and high school students). The last point of the memo is that Finally, a “Best Dressed Bowling Pin” contest will be held. Awards are made for each shift at all locations. Each member winning first or second place at all bowling shifts will win a prize. It does not matter how well you can bowl.
I used the following reading strategies to help me gather the necessary information from the JA memo. I read Joe Achiever's document twice to ensure no important information was missed the first time I read it. This also gave me the opportunity to take notes and underline the major points.
I would like to take this opportunity to Thank you for taking the time to read my summary. If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Please let me know how I can improve this thank you.
Directions: After reading the JA memo construct an appropriate email to send to your instructor. Make sure you include the following Opening First paragraph, Summary, second paragraph, Reflect, third paragraph: Reflect on reading strategies and how they helped you gather information from the document. Conclusion, fourth paragraph: Summarize your opening, your two body paragraphs, and provide a strong concluding sentence.
This is what I have so far
TO: ( my instructor’s name) actual name is there
Re: Summary of the JA Memo
Dear Ms. xxxxxxxxxxxx
I am writing to inform you that I have read and summarized the JA memo you requested, it was my pleasure to do so.
The main purpose of this memo, written by Joe Achiever is to discuss the JA 23rd annual Junior Achievement Bowl-a-thon fundraiser. This event will take place on Saturday, November 1st in the Greater Bridgeport/Valley area and then on Saturday, November 8 th in the Greater Danbury area. The fundraiser will be held at three different locations. Brookfield Lanes in Brookfield, Nutmeg Lanes in Fairfield, and Valley Bowl in Derby. This fundraiser will benefit educational programs for schools throughout the region. (elementary, middle, and high school students). The last point of the memo is that a “Best Dressed Bowling Pin” contest will be held. Awards are made for each shift at all locations. Each member winning first or second place at all bowling shifts will win a prize. It does not matter how well you can bowl.
I used the following reading strategies to help me gather the necessary information from the JA memo. I read the document for a second time to ensure no important information was missed the first time I read it. This also gave me the opportunity to take notes and underline the major points.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for taking the time to read my summary. If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Best regards,
Luxxxx xxxxxx
I think some parts may be to wordy for my summary.
I am sure if I should use something like this. The Fundraiser will be on 2 different dates at 3 different locations.
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