Please read and let me know how I can improve this thank you.

Question

Directions: After reading the JA memo construct an appropriate email to send to your instructor. Make sure you include the following Opening First paragraph, Summary, second paragraph, Reflect, third paragraph: Reflect on reading strategies and how they helped you gather information from the document. Conclusion, fourth paragraph: Summarize your opening, your two body paragraphs, and provide a strong concluding sentence.

TO: ( my instructor’s name) actual name is there

Re: Summary of the JA Memo

Dear Ms. xxxxxxxxxxxx

The JA memo you requested is summarized below.
The purpose of Joe Achiever’s memo is to give details about the JA 23rd annual Junior Achievement Bowl-a-thon fundraiser.

This event will take place on Saturday, November 1st in the Greater Bridgeport/Valley area and continues on Saturday, November 8 th in the Greater Danbury area. The three different locations are Brookfield Lanes in Brookfield, Nutmeg Lanes in Fairfield, and Valley Bowl in Derby. This fundraiser will benefit educational programs for the schools throughout the region. Finally, a “Best Dressed Bowling Pin” contest will be held. Awards are made for each shift at all locations. Each member winning first or second place at all bowling shifts will win a prize. It does not matter how well you can bowl.

I read Joe Achiever's document twice to ensure no important information was missed the first time. This also gave me the opportunity to take notes and underline the major points.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for taking the time to read my summary. If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Best regards,

Luxxxx xxxxxx

I need to elaborate more on the reading strategies I have already mentioned. I am not sure how I can do that. Also, I was thing about adding some other strategies such as, Evaluation which determines whether a part of the text is useful or not. Circling the keyword or phrases

Answer 1

Two things …

"The JA memo you requested is summarized below."
Does JA mean Joe Achiever or Junior Achievement? Whichever it refers to should be spelled out in that first sentence with (JA) after it (the abbreviation in parentheses).

"I would like to take this opportunity to thank you … "
I still think this is too wordy and not literally correct. Are you saying you just want to thank her — or that you are really thanking her? I think it's the latter, right? So cut out the meaningless words at the beginning of that and simply start the sentence with "Thank you … "