My teacher said that I only put that he "appears" to be a hypocrite, and that I need to clearly state if he is a hypocrite or not. Also, by putting "and three examples can be cited to demonstrate this trait of his", is a pretty weak thesis, she says.

Question

I would agree with your teacher. You need to state that despite his words his actions demonstrate his lack of will. Then go back to the first sentence and state that despite his vow to avenge his father he does not take action, that despite his vow of love for Ophelia, he does not follow through, that despite his promises to his mother, he is not faithful in doing as he says. Use three sentences. The you can build the rest of the paper on those main points.