Question

Like a teenager’s selfish desire to obtain status through possessions, Paul’s mother demonstrates the same immature importance of material objects in D.H Lawrence’s short story “The Rocking-Horse Winner.” This wonderful depiction of the destructive nature of materialism sets an example for all as the mother’s wanting exceeds the family’s income. This places a strain on the entire household, ultimately leading to extreme consequences.

Answer 1

Sounds really good. I'd replace "extreme" at the end with "disastrous," though.

Answer 2

You did a great job of revising!!! It flows very nicely .