Is this a good thesis statement or is it too broad with the 4th Amendment part ?

Question

Should i Cut it out ?

An analysis on different methods to ban steroids in sports brings a challenge to the sports industry: accepting methods like drug testing before and after games or taking a athletes urine sample is also invasion of privacy according to the IV Amendement of the US Constitution.

Answer 1

I think it sounds fine truley!

Answer 2

Your thesis statement is too long and broad.

Check these sites for tips for writing thesis statements.

http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/thesis.html

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/545/01/

Answer 3

So should I say .

An analysis on different methods to ban steroids in sports brings a challenge to the sports industry: drug testing before and after games hasn't changed the number of athletes who secretively use the type of steroids which cannot be detected.

Answer 4

That's o.k. I assume your paper will explore the secret use of steroids that cannot be detected.

Hmm! What evidence do you have that that's true?

Answer 5

Well Growth Hormones have become relatively hard to detect because we make them within our bodies.

which is what I found out through research

Answer 6

Originally I was trying to find out what is the better method to prevent steroids in sports because I already had many sources which have researched the different approaches to discouraging using steroids...

but I just did not know how to word it..

As a result I came out with various arguments
..