is this a good introduction

Question

What is it about America that people from different countries want to come here even if it means illegally? Maybe it’s because America is the” land of the free”, according to Key S. (1814), The national anthem. Truly the U.S. is becoming over whammed with this issue of illegal immigration. More so, with the Mexican, because they are just across the border. But according to Thompson G(2001), border agent, illegal crossing has dropped by one-third compared with the same period last year.

Answer 1

Here are two sites on writing a good introductory paragraph.
The thesis statement is the last sentence of the paragraph... In your paragraph, I am not sure what you want your thesis to be. What exactly do you want to prove?
The first sentence should be one that will catch your readers attention! Say something that will make them want to read more.
The middle paragraphs are a mini-history of the problem and a short outline of the main points you want to make in order to prove your thesis.
Please rewrite and we will be happy to make further suggestions.

http://members.tripod.com/~lklivingston/essay/intro.html

http://www.writing.ucsb.edu/faculty/donelan/intro.html

Answer 2

http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1213725520

Do you know what your main idea is, as GuruBlue asked above? Did you come up with an outline?

Did you skip all the pre-writing steps?

??