Is this a good beginning to a story:

Question

Is this a good beginning to a story:   
   "As he lay on the ground unconscious, is hand in mine, I saw movement from the corner of my eye and turned to see him- the man I despised most."                                            Thank You
                   GG-KK

P.S. It is a realistic fiction story about  a young girl in love with her boyfriend and her ex boyfriend. And they both love her.

Ms. Sue · Answer

Yes, that's good. Be sure you correct "is" to "his."

running.from.myself · Answer

Okay, thank you Ms. Sue.When you say correct "is" to "his" you are talking about "is hand in mine" to "HIS hand in mine" right?

Ms. Sue · Answer

Right.

running.from.myself · Answer

Okay, thank you. :) (:

Ms. Sue · Answer

You're welcome.

Megan · Answer

Yes i like it. Its really good. Im supposed to make a realistic fiction story too and i want to do it by myself with a little help. i love writing but not this genre i like making stuff up! Good luck. :)