Is this a good beginning to a story:

"As he lay on the ground unconscious, is hand in mine, I saw movement from the corner of my eye and turned to see him- the man I despised most." Thank You
GG-KK

P.S. It is a realistic fiction story about a young girl in love with her boyfriend and her ex boyfriend. And they both love her.

6 answers

Yes, that's good.

Be sure you correct "is" to "his."
Okay, thank you Ms. Sue.When you say correct "is" to "his" you are talking about "is hand in mine" to "HIS hand in mine" right?
Right.
Okay, thank you. :) (:
You're welcome.
Yes i like it. Its really good. Im supposed to make a realistic fiction story too and i want to do it by myself with a little help. i love writing but not this genre i like making stuff up! Good luck. :)