I wrote two thesis statements, which one is good. Which one should I use for my essay.

Question

1) Over the recent years, the use of illicit drugs has increased to some extent with the rise of drug
legalization campaigns, though, with reformation and implantation of new drug policies, drug related predicaments may be mitigated.

or

2) Drug legalization should be neglected and reformation and implementation of new drug policies should be take into consideration because it will benefit the society as well as the government in mitigating drug related predicaments.

Answer 1

the first one

Answer 2

Both are too wordy and fuzzy. The first would be better IF you go through and streamline it. Get rid of excess words. Simplify the vocabulary so it doesn't read like an exercise in using a thesaurus. =)

Answer 3

Use the ideas on this webpage to help get rid of the excess words:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm

Use the ideas here to help craft a clearer thesis statement:
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html

Answer 4

THANK you Writeacher

Answer 5

"Over the recent years, the use of illicit drugs has increased though, through prohibition of drugs and reformation and implantation of new drug policies, drug related predicaments may be mitigated."

Does this sound better?