I wrote this 2 years ok - please could you critique it
A tale of dishonesty
Our story takes place in Zakinthos – a place in Greece- long ago. It is all about the Princess of that fine land. Her name was Maria and she was sick of palace life. She stayed there as her love, the kitchen boy, was there. She barely ever saw him, and was forever worried he had been killed for being idle. And when she did see him their meetings were short and they only spoke of grief. She wanted to leave the palace but without her the kitchen boy’s life would be meaningless and he would probably hang himself before she got back.
One June day Maria’s father was kidnapped and placed in iron chains – in a prison in Crete. It was too far for the army to reach him, if they came near their ship would be seen and the king would be slaughtered mercilessly.
So Maria ran away on her horse. When she had reached the beach she left her horse and traded her beloved childhood friend for a boat. When she returned she would return the boat and receive her horse. She was stuck in a forest pining for her love. Soon she came across an old man, who told her he had a friend of hers locked away. Her horse. And he also told her that to get her back she would have to break free of chains. The man was foolish and didn’t watch her slip the chains on loosely. “How did you…” She had her horse but needed a human to soothe her. She would probably have lost her father by the time she reached Crete. But if she didn’t try he was certainly gone. Maria travelled for many days before coming across a slave who looked- just like ‘ Percy’ the kitchen boy. He said that if Maria gave him a gold coin he would come with her. She agreed and gave the gold piece away. The man walked with her for about half a mile before mugging her and leaving her with just one silver coin, the clothes on her back, her horse and a rationed down cloth bag filled to the brim with food and lastly she was left with a sword, some water … and shorter hair. She was devastated but at least she was alive. What should she do? Go home before she was robbed of everything? But then she would have no father! But what else could she do? She must carry on!
Maria arrived at the edge of the sea separating Zakynthos and Crete. She asked a young man for his boat. He gave her it on the condition that she would return the boat to Zakynthos as soon as she reached Crete. Maria told him it was impossible. The young, tall man gave her the boat and if she didn’t return it as soon as she got to Crete the Harpies would come followed by The Cyclops. Maria stepped daintily into the boat and rowed away. She realised that if she got some one to return it for her, she would be safe. She pleaded with a man and told him to return the boat. He did so but killed the owner of the boat. The Cyclops came down and wounded the man. Luckily, Maria was safe. But now Maria would have to hurry – she was running out of food!
There was a cave in the distance and it is said that is where the natives kill their sacrifices. Maria didn’t know that and was hung on the wall by loose string. She could easily break it (the natives couldn’t as they were weak- sometimes natives killed fellow natives). Maria broke the string and ran for her life. She was faster than the natives and soon got away. She had lost them. The Princess lay down on the ground and found she had run into a desert. As she lifted her head she saw the Hydra, a monster with 6 heads. She found a sword on the ground – it was lying next to a skeleton. Princess Maria cut of the creatures head and it grew a fiercer one in its place. She realised the only way to kill it was to cut off all its heads before it grew them back.
After many hours of fighting the Hydra was killed. Maria was exhausted but kept walking until daybreak. Then she saw her father hung up and the kitchen boy. She wondered which one to save. The kitchen boy might not be a kitchen boy but no one could fake her father. So she tried to save her father and they ran home together. And Maria later learned the man wounded buy the Cyclops, them man who had mugged her and her kitchen boy where all one man.
4 answers
Sra
i hope i helped out some