I would like to get a little feedback. I had to write an introduction paragraph of at least 250 words that includes a thesis sentence stating how and why the specific work is more than just a piece of entertainment. The thesis must relate why it is a legitimate form of popular culture. Below is what I wrote and my thesis statement is the last sentence. What do you guys think? Thanks for any feedback.

Question

In this crazy mixed up word we live in today what exactly does real mean? Is it the sixty-minute television shows we see plastered all over the airwaves, or could it be your baby’s first steps? John Fahey stated, “More American young people can tell you where the island is that the TV series ‘Survivor’ is located than they can identify Afghanistan or Iraq. Ironically, a TV show seems more real or at least more meaningful than reality.” In today’s world, his statement sadly seems to have a lot of credibility. We watch these shows with anticipation and forget what is actually going on around us. Reality escapes us and we start to relate true reality to the television shows. Sometimes we just need a good reality check. There is a new song by country singer James Wesley that does just that. It is a refreshing and thoughtful expression of how reality television can cloud the perspective of our true lives. He makes many very powerful points, which connected with me the very first time I heard the song. Often we can be so caught up in our everyday lives we can forget what to be thankful for. For example, what is a true survivor, is it the people we see on television playing games to win immunity, or is the farmer who prays his crops will bring us our next meal? The song “Real” by country singer James Wesley depicts pieces of real American life and makes a profound distinction of what is truly real, compared to mainstream reality television.

Answer 1

I'd rephrase that sentence slightly. Everything else seems fine.

The song “Real” by country singer James Wesley depicts pieces of real American life and makes a profound distinction between what is truly real and what is merely reality television.

Answer 2

Thank you for the feedback! could you you give some thoughts what direction I could take with the thesis statement? I too was thinking it was a little weak though was unsure what direction to take it. Thanks again!

Answer 3

What work have you done on this paper other than writing an introduction and thesis statement? Have you brainstormed ideas and come up with an outline yet?

From the ideas in the intro, it seems as if the outline (and therefore the paper) will lean on the side of true reality, not those fake-reality TV shows. Is that right?