i am writing a story about my pet and i need help i am not sure if this is good
Help!!
My Pet Rexie
I have known Rexie ever since my baby brother was born. I remember it like it was yesterday; we had just gotten home from school and in my father’s hands he was holding a box and it was wiggling around in his hands. I asked “What is in the box?” and my father replied “It’s for your sister for her birthday.” My sister jumped up and down in happiness she walked toward the box and opened it.
I couldn’t believe my eyes it was a puppy. She carried it in her hands and it started to lick her on the face. She then passed it around to each of my sisters and when the puppy got to me it started to lick my face. “Guess you’re a dog person.” My sister said. “Maybe I am” I said. “What should we name him” I said. And my sister started to ponder what his name should be. “I guess I’ll name him…Rexie” my sister said in pride. “Rexie it is” I said and a journey began at that moment.
My sister and I have fun when we play with Rexie. My dad sometimes keeps him on a leash so he does not lick us when we are sleeping. One day I was awake when everyone was asleep and when Rexie was not on his leash when he came to my room and then I grabbed him and he licked me, so he slept with me for that night. Then in the morning I told him to go to the living room and so he went and I put him on the couch.
We celebrated Christmas Eve and we went to my grandpa’s house to celebrate .we played with our cousin and we had fun then it was time to open presents that our grandpa gives us for every Christmas eve and we opened them and when we came home we gave Rexie a present and he was Happy. Then on Christmas day something wonderful happened we got present and so did Rexie he got bones and treats and a chew toys. After all that fun he ran away then we got him back. Then he ran away again and he never came back home since and we are very sad so we never got a dog since because we think he/she might will run away. Rexie ran away May, 20, 2012 to October 10, 2014 and we hope he can come back soon.
He inspired not to run away from my family then I will never see them and I will be missed a lot. One day I wanted to run away because I am always mad so now that he inspired I do not want to run away and Rexie inspired me to never give up so I will never give up when I lose and never to give up whenever I fail something.
3 answers
There are many comma splices and run-ons.
http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/commasplice.htm
There are several places where it doesn't make sense, for example ~~> "He inspired ... a lot."
I know no one could have read this to you and you heard no errors in the 3 minutes between my first post to you and your reply! Read it aloud slowly ... as many times as it takes.
1 answer