How does this poem sound?

Question

I told my friends I was no scaredy cat,
Not afraid of snakes, nor bears or bats.
The said” Oh, well that’s sure to change,
When you spend a a night in a house that’s strange.”

They dared me to sleep in an abandoned house on Brown,
And right then and there I began to frown.
It was to happen on Halloween night,
Just to add to more of my fright.

We walked to the gate on that night,
And believe me, that house was a sight.
It was rundown and everything was broken,
It looked to me like someone was croakin’,

I opened the gate and walked down the rocks,
I was already scared out of my socks.
I opened the door with a “creeeaaaak!”
Popped in my head to take a peek!

Just as I was thinking of where to sleep,
I heard a loud rumbling that made me leap.
A witch’s jeer filled the place,
I was running, running, trying to find a safe space.

A wide open closet came into my view,
So I ran in, what else was there to do!?!
But to my disbelief, I heard a low growl,
And on my shoulder, something green began to prowl.

It was big and hairy,
With 4 black eyes that were scary.
It wrapped around me it’s arms,
My body was filled with alarm!

It seemed like it had me in it’s wrath forever,
Until, I found a light switch lever.
I jumped up in excitement and fell on a tote,
And believe it or not, the monster was a winter coat.

Please comment.

Answer 1

Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. Very clever and perfect for Hallowe'en. In line 4 "The" should surely be "They."

So I ran in, = I'd make the comma a semicolon, to avoid a run-on sentence.

If you omit a few words you will have a more regular "beat" to the sentences. For example, count the syllables in each line and some will seem either too short or too long.

Answer 2

thanks