Here is the second bit of my description of a school dining hall. Can you please check it and suggest any improvements with my vocabulary and my attention to detail. If possible can you help me to include metaphors and personification, where possible....Thank you
Back at the snake like queue, the proud boy wad standing there with pride and full of accomplishment. But not for long.
'You, yes you. Get to the back of the line.NOW!' the principle demanded with absolute anger. The boy endeavouring to argue back but instead slowly drifts to the back of the line, in shame, whilst his friends laugh in hysterics.
The dining hall is busier than evet. Conversations fly opem with emptiness, whilst table are yet again layered with custardy casserole.
At the other end of the hall, two teachers, a rolling convoy of superior tanks, superheads the drive towards the snake line. They pleasantly go against all rules, order their food (with extras, no cost) and off they go with no care in the world.
The serving of food is drawing to a close. The snake like queue slithers away, leaving the pne boy, who was at the back, just purchasing the left overs of sludgy soup and the half broken bread roll. Three stern looking secretary's stroll in and bravely handle the viscous tables that squeak in pain and agony. They stack the chairs in high towers, each uncomfortable. As the chattering comes to an end, so does the food. The popular table walk away, leaving their trayd behind in victory of reducing the young girl into tears. The young girl slowly drifts away into the distance, dragging her heavy rucksack, which sagged with a lack of life. The bell rings. All is left is the clattering of pots and pans and still the same old smeell of the hall, which reeks with sourness and sweat. It's yet again another repeated cycle of a typical lunch at school.
3 answers