Help with re-wording my sentences Please:

Question

After September 11th the issue of racial profiling has expanded to more directly affect South Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Muslim Americans, and those identified as foreigners or immigrants. These communities are joining with African-American and Latino communities to combat racial profiling legislation on a broader scale, not just in a traffic stops, but in the context of all interaction with law enforcement including at airports. The racial profiling legislation debate presents three important inquiries: Is racial profiling by law enforcement a widespread problem in the United States? What legislation, if any, is required to combat racial profiling? How can contingent evidence of racial profiling be strengthened to provide statistical proof?

Answer 1

Why do you need to reword this? It's quite well-written. I have to ask, have you copied it from another source and must put it in your own words?

Answer 2

I agree with Reed, why do you need to reword? If you copied, use the info as a source, and maybe just use it for information.

Answer 3

The only thing here I would change is the fact that you say there are three questions raised and use a colon. Then you have three complete sentences that follow. If you are listing the questions, you should separate them with semicolons with no capitalization. If you want them to stand alone, use a period instead of a semicolon.

The paragraph does need a conclusion, and we need to know why racial profiling is undesirable. Why is it unfair? Why is it a problem.

I think you need to explain more, and you need a conclusion. It should be a three- or four-paragraph essay. What is the problem, what are the questions, and a conclusion.