Read through the before-and-after statements in here:
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
Study all four to determine why the revised statements are far better. The phrasing in these revised statements should give you some ideas for your assignment above.
Let us know what you come up with.
Formal essay topic sentence guidelines:
1.) Topic sen. must be debatable, or, at the very least, worthy of discussion. They should not present straight facts with which most people would readily agree, nor should they be general statements about life.
2.) Topic sen. should offer a manageable portion of the thesis statement that the writer plans to develop and /or defend in the paragraph. Topic sentences should always be narrower in scope than the thesis.
3.) Topic sen. should never be straight summary of source material or literature.
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Are these sentences effective or ineffective??
1.) In the Bill of Rights and the Constitution it is explained in great detail that all men have equal rights, the freedom of speech and the right to privacy.
Answer: I said it's ineffective & guidelines that are violated are :straight fact, this is not a debatable statement.
How could I revise the sentence to make it follow all 3 guidelines but still make the topic sentence make sense??
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7.) A school in Buffalo is using an electronic tag system with their students.
Answer: I said its ineffective because its a straight fact; not debatable; sentence is narrow but too narrow; it's not a thesis.
How could I revise the sentence to make it follow all 3 guidelines but still make the topic sentence make sense??
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18.) America is slowly becoming a police state, which is a threat to civil liberty.
answer: I said this sentence is ineffective because it's too narrow, there is no thesis.
However the second part, "which is a threat to civil liberty" IS DEBATABLE so Idk what to conclude about this sentence.
How could I also revise the sentence to make it follow all 3 guidelines but still make the topic sentence make sense??
2 answers
The PROMPT:TAKE A POSITION THAT DEFENDS OR CHALLENGES THE CLAIM THAT THE RECENT PROFUSION OF SURVEILLANCE TECHNOLOGIES CONSTITUTES A THREAT TO CIVIL LIBERTY.
1 answer