First, that is not a sentence... it a bunch of strung together clauses and phrases. I am assuming that you want to become a pharmacist. Second, you believe that to do that you need to 1) achieve academic superiority, 2) learn through community service and 3) gain work experience in pharmacology.
I would put that together something like - In order to reach my goal of becoming a pharmacologist, I need to achieve academic superiority, learn through community service and gain work experience in pharmacology.
That gets to the point and cuts though all the unneeded words.
Can someone please tell me whats wrong with this sentence, and what can be added to make it a strong objective
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To achieve academic superiority in a competitive environment while building a great base of community service work for aiding those around me, and achieve great experience in the work field of pharmacy to become a pharmacist.
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