can someone please revise?? only a proposal

Question

Work and family are both central to our way of life. Finding a balance between the two is an issue of importance to men, women, and employers. The current work standards in United States and the lack of family friendly policies implemented in the workplace has created tensions between work and home life. The constant struggle to meet our responsibilities both as employees, but also as breadwinners and mothers and father has ultimately negatively affected the family.
Work and family conflict are a serious issue, family members find themselves performing a balancing act in order to fulfill the expectations joined to both family and career roles. First it is important to analyze work place practices that constrain parents the ability to devote time to the care of children. This will allow identifying the more complex issues that involves working families like financial values, gender roles, career paths, and time management. The resulting mismatch between parent’s needs and society’s lack of response has stressed American family’s way of life.
Analyzing and identifying the negative impact of parents work experience, on the family will help put in place support for family priorities and possible arrangements that can help companies that want to attract and retain good people. The end to this issue is not only implementing policies that will force employers to alleviate their employee’s schedules, but we must first begin in changing society’s perception. It is important to first clarify the value of family within American society as a principle, and quality standard necessary to our nation well being. There is still the perception that workers who need time off to care for sick parents, or who simply want a more flexible schedule so they can go to their child’s school play or parent teacher conference, are somehow less committed and less desirable. Paid family leave, and sick days and child care should be the norm within our society.
As a result, the government must work towards implementing family friendly policies across that nation, arguing that workers who are given flexibility are more productive. In addition taking pride in dual earning parenting financial pressures, and active engagement in child care and sharing of house work within the family can also set forth the value and protection of time for family.

To support the thesis, Gornick and Meyers authors of “Families that Work: Policies for Reconciling Parenthood and Employment will lay the historical basis including social and economic reforms that have led and contributed to the current conflict. “Justice, Gender, and the Family by Susan Moller Okin, describes and analyzes women’s role in society as working mothers and their moral obligations and responsibilities for protecting those who above all are vulnerable, children. Changing the roles of family members within the family, Okin explains will help eliminate the gender roles in society making family and work a central issue that affects everyone not just women. “The Second Shift’ by Arlie Russell, argues that despite the societal changes in the Unites States allowing women in the workplace, women are still responsible for the majority of household chores and child care and that this has a profound implication for marital happiness for both men and women.

Answer 1

http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/fallacies.html

Read about Hasty Generalizations (link in the right column), and make sure you don't commit this error.

Currently, these are generalizations that would be very hard to prove:

"The constant struggle to meet our responsibilities both as employees, but also as breadwinners and mothers and father has ultimately negatively affected the family." ALL FAMILIES? ALL FAMILIES IN THE US? REALLY???

"The end to this issue is not only implementing policies that will force employers to alleviate their employee’s schedules, but we must first begin in changing society’s perception." ALL EMPLOYERS?? FOR ALL EMPLOYEES???

Etc.

Answer 2

I was hoping to for someone to gramatically proof read my proposal and not criticize or judge. Again this is my proposal for a research paper. In my research paper I will have all the support, facts and statistics needed to sustain my argument.

Thanks Anyway.

Answer 3

There are these types of grammar/usage issues:

subject-verb agreement:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sv_agr.htm

point of view problem: Get rid of all first and second person references.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/subject_object.htm

Run-ons, comma splices:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm#splice

correct use of apostrophes to indicate possession
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/possessives.htm

comma use, including when they are NOT needed
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm
Note #s 9 and 11.

fragments
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/fragments.htm

If you cannot find these, try reading this out loud to someone (or to yourself in a mirror) -- or even better, have someone read it aloud to you. Wherever the person "stumbles" is a place you'll know you need to fix.

Answer 4

PS -- There's a great deal of difference between revising (your first post) and proofreading (your second post). Be sure you are clear on the differences.