Can someone please help revise. It is a proposal for a research paper! Thank You!
Work and family are both central to our way of life. Finding a balance between the two is an issue of importance to men, women, and employers. Therefore, I will argue that the constant struggle to meet our responsibilities both as employees, but also as breadwinners and mothers and father has ultimately negatively affected the family and society as a whole.
I will support my study by analyzing the negative impact of parents work experience, on the family that then spill over into our society. Work schedules have contributed to current social issues varying from delinquency to even obesity. For example, parental work schedules threatening family meals. Inflexible work hours have made it difficult for parents to even provide a good homemade healthy meal for their children, causing obesity in children.
5 answers
The last sentence is strong, and I think a good basis for a paper.
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/07/07/the-differences-between-college-writing-and-high-school-writing/
and
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/
Get rid of "I will argue..." This is 3rd grade writing at best.
Please re-post when you have revised.
Your first and last sentences in the revised paragraph you wrote seem to contradict each other. You may not have to turn in a complete explanation of that to your instructor, but you should be prepared to explain how you plan to bridge from that first concept to the last one.