can someone please help edit and improve this paragraph?
In 1976, communist leader Mao Zedong died of Parkinson’s disease. Parkinson’s disease is a disease that attacks the central nervous system. It affects movements and often causes people to shake uncontrollably and that was the case for Mao. 46 million Chinese were believed to die from starvation, exhaustion and torture under Mao’s rule. Mao’s choices still affected china after his death; there was a lot of controversy around if china should still follow Mao’s beliefs and laws and they eventually decided to change their methods of ruling. Today, China is still under a communist government, the starvation has lowered drastically and people are no longer put into forced labor.
2 answers
This is pretty good. It makes sense, and, in general, is accurate. Watch for typos. China is always capitalized as a proper noun (the name of the country). 46 must be spelled out at the beginning of a sentence (Forty-six). The Arabic numerals are appropriate INSIDE the sentence. And watch for use of commas. "...die from starvation, exhaustion, and torture..." and other places. These are just examples of where you need to proofread carefully. :)
thank you so much miss reed!!
1 answer