Question

Can someone edit this

Dear Admissions,

I was pleased to find that the University of Connecticut allowed for applicants to submit a writing supplement along with their applications. So, I have taken this opportunity to show the main experiences that I have experienced the past 4 years and their direct affects on my grades earlier in my high school career.

With that said, I think it is essential that you know that I wrote this supplement not with the intentions of evoking sympathy, but rather empathy. You see, there is no true way in which I can put you in my shoes. There is no extraordinarily remarkable way in which I can miraculously have you feel what I have felt and see what I have seen, just as there is no way to reverse time and redo my past. Thus, I have constituted this supplement with the intention of having you understand the stories behind my transcript and to give you a better understanding as to who I am. It is my best effort to having you see what I see, as I hope you come to understand me as a beneficial asset to the University of Connecticut.

Sincerely,
Christine Savino

Answer 1

Christine, you are still wordy. Most students do not do a cover letter, but I have to say, your second paragraph is really distracting from your story.

I would recommend this....

Dear Dean of Admissions (I would put his/her name in that salutation)

Attached is a supplemental letter to my admissions package, which contains some valuable and important information regarding me.

Thank you for reading it.

Sincerely.


xxxx

As I have written to you a couple of times before, Christine, very often, simpler is better. Shorter sentences are better (eye catching, and absorbed).

Good luck

Print the letter on quality bond paper.

Answer 2

is the director of admissions the same as a dean of admssions?

Answer 3

and if so, would I just say; Dear Director of Admissions, Lee H. Melvin,

or would I just put dear Lee H. Melvin,

Answer 4

never mind mind I figured it out