The paragraph you have written seems to address the prompt and convey your enthusiasm for the position. However, there are a few aspects you may want to consider to make it more polished and balanced between informal and formal business writing:
1. Begin with a strong introduction: Instead of simply saying "Beginning a career as an administrative assistant for the Ministry of Forests, Lands and Natural Resource Operations (FLNRO) would be a welcome change for me," consider starting with a more attention-grabbing sentence that introduces the overall theme of your paragraph. For example, "Throughout my journey of overcoming Muscle Tension Dysphonia (MTD), I discovered a renewed passion for working with people and contributing to educational endeavors, making a career as an administrative assistant for FLNRO a perfect fit for me."
2. Structure your paragraph: While your paragraph currently mentions your past experience, it might benefit from a clearer structure. Consider dividing it into three parts: your past experience, your re-evaluation, and your reasons for applying for the administrative assistant position. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your thought process.
3. Be more specific: Instead of mentioning that your past job as a teacher assistant was "highly stressful" and contributed to MTD, you can provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the challenges you faced and how they led to your decision to pursue a different career path. This will help your potential employer better understand your motivation.
4. Address your audience: While keeping a balance between informal and formal writing, try to highlight aspects that are relevant to your potential employer. This includes emphasizing your adaptability, strengths that align with the administrative assistant role, and how your past experiences make you a valuable candidate for this position.
5. End with a clear summary: Conclude your paragraph by summarizing how the administrative assistant position aligns with your career goals and how it will allow you to combine your past experiences with new opportunities for growth and learning.
By considering these points and making a few adjustments, your paragraph will become more polished and maintain a balance between informal and formal business writing.