Have you written the rest of the essay ... at least in rough draft form? I can't tell if this is a good intro or thesis until I read the rough draft of the paper. (I'm not sure which is the thesis anyway.)
Follow the writing process, whether you're writing for science, history, English, or whatever:
Prewriting: Brainstorm, research, plan, outline, thesis statement
Writing: Write first draft by starting with section II of your outline; write the introduction after the body of the paper is written; write the conclusion last.
Polishing: Revise, concentrating first on the body of the paper, then the intro, then the concl (revision = making sure ideas are logical and sequential and support your thesis); proofread (spelling, grammar, usage, etc.)
Do you have a thesis yet? Have you done your brainstorming (and maybe research) yet? Have you written an outline?
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html#org
from http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html
http://www.angelfire.com/wi/writingprocess/
http://www.ipl.org/div/aplus/
Click on Step by Step for the process. Click on Info Search for help with researching.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/
Check in the Essay & Research Paper Level.
Is this a good thesis statement and introduction for my essay?
Have you given any thought to where you will live when you are "on your own" - out in the world earning a living? You will have many decisions to make as you look for a place to call home. In this persuasive essay, your basic economic decision making skills will be used to weigh the pros and cons of renting versus buying a house. It's time to find out what is right for YOU!
1 answer