This was your prompt:
"1) At the University of Maryland, we value a diverse community. How have your life experiences and background shaped you into an individual who will enrich the University of Maryland community? "
Your essay looks great! You've made a lot of improvements. :-) Good luck!
While standing on the balcony of my grandparents’ house in India, I watched the students with interest as they traveled home on the unpaved road. Their uniforms were simple, their shoes neatly tied, and their faces lit with joy after another challenging day at school. It was at that moment that I realized the array of cultural, political, and religious diversity I have seen throughout my travels around the world. In my visits to Africa, Europe, and Asia, I have learned values that have instilled a sense of tolerance and respect for others into my life. These values are essential for me to have a healthy and successful experience during my role as a University of Maryland student.
Since I am an American of Indian origin growing up in Maryland, I am fortunate to be able to balance my life between the very different Western and Indian cultures. The blend of these cultures has given way to many hobbies and talents that would make me an asset to the diversity of the University of Maryland community.
When I entered my freshman year at Hereford High, chamber choir was viewed as a group for “music geeks”. Stereotypes aside, I auditioned and was accepted into the baritone section. At first I didn’t believe that I could relate to my classmates in any way; they all came from different backgrounds and social classes, but as time progressed we came to know each other as family rather than peers. Our teamwork and commitment throughout the year paid off when we were awarded the highest rating at the Maryland state competition. The qualities I take from this achievement are my determination for success and my teamwork skills. Through these qualities I can help to develop the community both on campus, and in the classroom.
Through my academic and social activities in high school, I have become aware of my tendencies to adopt leadership and communication roles within organizations. After being voted Vice President of Future Business Leaders of America and awarded the illustrious Maryland Mock Trial Champion Award, I am certain that the University of Maryland will develop my skills as a leader by preparing me for the real world. If accepted, I plan to use my skills in order to become an active contributor to both the academic, and research fields at the University.
I believe the University of Maryland offers a wonderful opportunity for me to experience a mix of excellent education and a richly diverse environment. While my diversity will be an asset on campus, I expect to concentrate on maintaining superior academic grades, joining honor societies and career oriented clubs, and being actively involved in attending Terrapin sports games. Along with advancing the programs at the University of Maryland, I believe that these activities will enrich me with a well rounded view of life, the world, and help me reach my goal to become a successful entrepreneur.
This essay is being sent in TONIGHT in probably around TWO HOURS!
- Please check for grammar, punctuation and spelling.
- Please GIVE ADVICE on how to make the essay flow smoother.
- Please give some last minute input on what I should switch around to make it more appealing to the college admissions officers!
THIS ESSAY DETERMINES WHERE I GO IN LIFE FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS! IMPORTANT!
3 answers
I agree. Good job on the revisions you've made!
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1 answer