First of all, make sure you have addressed all the parts of your directions:
1. The paragraph must describe one particular experience you’ve had that inspired you or guided you to choose the type of position for which you applied.
2. Prewrite about your field of study and create a specific job for which you might want to apply at a particular business or organization in your area. Outline what that position would look like. Brainstorm details, names, titles, and facts to provide depth to your paragraph and enable you to write a polished paragraph.
Reread your own paragraph and make absolutely sure you have addressed the instructions -- especially the bold parts.
Then, once you've revised and rewritten as needed, follow the directions below. Once you've revised and rewritten again, then repost your paragraph and someone here will be happy to critique it for you.
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Please go over your paragraph with the following in mind. Thanks to PsyDAG for the following:
In the future, if nobody is available to proofread your work, you can do this yourself. After writing your material, put it aside for a day — at least several hours. (This breaks mental sets you might have that keep you from noticing problems.) Then read it aloud as if you were reading someone else's work. (Reading aloud slows down your reading, so you are less likely to skip over problems.)
[You can also either read it aloud to someone else or have someone else read it aloud to you! (The latter works really well!)]
If your reading goes smoothly, that is fine. However, wherever you "stumble" in your reading, other people are likely to have a problem in reading your material. Those "stumbles" indicate areas that need revising.
Once you have made your revisions, repeat the process above. Good papers often require many drafts.
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And here are three really good websites that will help, too.
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/10/28/editing-secrets-everyone-should-know/
http://teacher.sheboyganfalls.k12.wi.us/staff/dehogue/FSSH/proof.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/proofing.htm
Background
You’ve applied for a specific job in your field of study. The Human Resources Department arranges an
interview and tells you to bring with you a polished piece of writing for them to evaluate your writing
skills. The paragraph must describe one particular experience you’ve had that inspired you or guided
you to choose the type of position for which you applied.
Your audience is your potential employer and your purpose is to show you have thought carefully
about what and/or who has motivated you toward this career choice and why. In addition, you want
to convey your enthusiasm for this position as it relates to your inspiring experience. Take time to
think about what your audience wants to know and strive to reach a balance between informal and
formal business writing.
Process
1. Prewrite about your field of study and create a specific job for which you might want to apply
at a particular business or organization in your area. Outline what that position would look like.
Brainstorm details, names, titles, and facts to provide depth to your paragraph and enable you
to write a polished paragraph.
Here is my draft
For many years I have worked in Customer Service performing the duties of Billing, and Collection of client’s payments. Even though I enjoy my job I always wanted to be able to work from home. After doing some research I came across an article about working for home. In this article one position was Medical Billing and Coding, which is similar to working in the billing field. This is why I have chosen to pursuit a career in Medical Billing and Coding with Penn Foster School. With a degree in medical billing and coding I will able to convey all my skill as a Billing Specialist and Medical Billing and coding professional. In this position your will find that I am able to process daily invoices, reconciliation of financial report, Internal auditing of processed invoices, reconcile, balance and close weekly and monthly financials queries, resolve customers disputes, correct and manual bill invoices, Collect receivables and apply credits. While being responsible for system automation of recurring of customers billing and payments. You will find I am hard worker, Multi task, trustworthy and reliable person. Who is eager to learn and enjoy taking on new challenges. I feel my qualification will greatly benefit your company.
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