Can you please check these sentences for me? Thank you.

1) Henry believes beauty to be not as superficial as thought.
2) He urges Dorian to enjoy his youth now that he can, while it won't last for ever.
3) He also urges him to give in to any kind of sensations forgetting moral responsiblity.
4) Dorian looks at the painting and recognizes the beauty and the youth in the portrait. He is pained by the thought (idea?) of losing his youth.
5) He can't stand the idea of growing old. He vows that he will if he grows old.
6) I sprained my shoulder and I put a bandage on it. I'll have to keep it on for two weeks.
7) I have high-speed internet connection. There is no need to dial up to the server anymore.
8) Please scroll down the screen so that I can view the information at the bottom of the page. I always need to provide a password and a username.

2 answers

Change "while" to "because" in #2, and remove the comma.

All others are fine.
1.) after the word "as" write he
2.) Change "while t "because"
3.) "into" is one word.Also, after the word "sensations" write "by"
5.)Don't repeat yourself. It's " He vows that he will if he does."
6.) Instead of "bandage" write "gauze."
7.) Instead, write " There is no need for dial-up" because the reader already knows what that is, unless it's an elementary schooler who is reading this sentence.
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