Question

Can someone please proofread this before i email it to school metro's director Mr. Thomas LeMera

Hey LeMera, my name is Bryan Martin and I’m email you to require more information on your school. I am a senior in high school in temple hills MD. I'm interested in becoming a mobile electronics certified installer in hopes of opening my own business. Can you fill me in on what your school is like so I can further determine if your school is right for me.

Answer 1

This is FAR too informal!! Here's my suggested revision:

<i>Hello, Mr LeMera.

I am requesting information about your school. I am a senior in high school in Temple Hills, MD. I'm interested in becoming a mobile electronics certified installer and plan to eventually open my own business.

Please let me know what your school is like so I can determine if your school is right for me.

Thank you in advance for your time.

Bryan Martin
[email protected]</i>

If you write an email to someone of this stature the way you write emails to your friends, you won't be taken seriously. Remember to use formal language in formal situations; informal language is find for your pals, but not adults!

=)