Is this okay so far?

Question

(see previous post for topic)

During the Victorian Age advancements in technology led to a British society that was more geared towards manufacturing than agriculture. New inventions allowed the production of goods to be moved from homes into factories. With new equipment to assist with the labor, goods were more easily and quickly produced and became cheaper to buy. Workers were needed in factories to operate the machines and people quickly moved from the rural areas into cities.

Despite the positive effects of mass production, the Industrial Revolution also had negative outcomes. Because of the sudden movement into cities, the areas became overcrowded. The poor lower class citizens were faced with issues of pollution, disease, and poor working conditions. These people were in poverty due to very low wages and children as young as 5 years old were forced to work to provide the bare necessities for their families.

In his painting Applicants to a Casual Ward, Luke Filde illustrates the poverty that the lower class working citizens endured. Because Filde’s political activist-grandmother raised him, they shared the same concern for the poor.

The dark colors of the painting create a sorrowful mood. Filde almost seems to mourn for the poor who are dressed in dark rags rather than the bright, elegant clothing of the wealthy during this time period. The saddened faces of the people trying to obtain a ticket for one night’s shelter also contribute to the depressing atmosphere.

Though the poverty of the adults is dreadfully upsetting, the children in the painting seem to be the main focal point. Observing the children suffer is heartbreaking and the experience can be very emotional for the viewer.

Answer 1

First off, your paragraphs are not fully developed. To be so, each internal (body) paragraph should have somewhere between 6-8 sentences, giving details to support the topic sentence and your interpretation of those details.

Second, in your first sentence, do you really mean, "...advancements in technology led to a British society that was more geared towards manufacturing than agriculture." It reads as if British society had been based on manufacturing first and was changing to agriculture. This sentence needs to be rephrased so your meaning is clear.

Answer 2

Is this your thesis statement?

Workers were needed in factories to operate the machines and people quickly moved from the rural areas into cities.

If so, this is what you need to prove. However, I don't believe from what you said before this is what you wanted to write about. You need to clarify your thesis.