Question

Your favorite cousin has moved to your town and is looking for a job. Her previous experiences are
working as a cashier and sales clerk at two department stores. You know she plans to apply at similar
stores in your town. But you also know she is a perfect match for a job opening as a reliable assistant
to your boss. You know she has the skills, though she doesn’t think she is as capable as she is, and
you’re sure she’d be good at this job.
Your goal is to persuade your cousin to apply for the job. You e-mail her a paragraph explaining the
specifics of the job and the reasons she should apply. You want to convince her that she has the job
skills required. You’ll use an informal tone, of course, but will take care to use correct business writing
to show her that you take your recommendation seriously.

Here's what I have so far:

I heard you just moved back in town. Have you started your employment search yet? I know you are used to the retail industry but have you considered working in an office environment? My boss, Mrs. Elizabeth Jackson, is looking for an assistant to answer phones, schedule appointments, maintain patient records, data entry, and identify mistakes on reports. You have exceptional interpersonal communication skills, always punctual, love grammar and spelling, very dependable, and possess outstanding organizational capabilities. I think this will be a perfect fit because the most important part of the job is receiving patients/answering phones, which is great considering your phenomenal people skills. Mrs. Jackson will appreciate your background as she started out in the retail industry before launching Jackson Transcription Services. I hope you will consider joining our team; it would definitely be a mutually beneficial relationship.

Answer 1

I would delete the / (slash mark) between "patients" and "answering" and insert the word "and."

I would also change the word "as" in the sentence starting with "Mrs. Jackson" -- change it to "because."

Otherwise, this is terrific.

=)

Answer 2

Will do! Thank you for reviewing my work!

Answer 3

You're very welcome.

=)