Question

Is this thesis statement better .

Solving our economical problems of fear and destruction that has been created among gang violence and drug trafficking, is more challenging than society imagine.

The topic of the essay : " Gang Violence and Destruction ".

This is for the persuasive essay on fear and destruction of gang violence .

I read the website that was suggested. However, I got confused when you stated I needed to add YOU to my thesis statement. I did not understand what you was saying .

Thank you for helping me.

Answer 1

When I wrote that YOU need to be in your thesis statement, I meant that YOUR OPINION, YOUR STANCE, YOUR POSITION about your topic needs to be clear. Thesis statements are comprised of facts and opinion. Without one or the other, it's not a thesis statement.

Fact only: I bought a new Honda in 1991.

Opinion: I grew to hate my Honda because something was constantly going wrong with it.

Thesis: I grew to hate my new 1991 Honda because something was constantly going wrong with it.

Get it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think your thesis statement above is much improved:
<i>Solving our economical problems of fear and destruction that has been created among gang violence and drug trafficking, is more challenging than society imagine.</i>

I'd rephrase the sections in bold, however: Solving our <b><u>economic</u> problems of fear and destruction</b> that <u>have</u> been created <u>through</u> gang violence and drug trafficking is more challenging than society <u>can</u> imagine.

The underlined words have been corrected; there should be no comma after "trafficking."

Let us know what you think.

Answer 2

Also -- I don't know exactly what you mean here: " ... our economical problems of fear and destruction ... " [Remember: it should be "economic" not "economical."]