I want to write that I listen to Chinese music and about being Chinese. Would that be a personal quality or a "where I come from"?

Answer 1

Yes, it is a part of your personal qualities, but I suspect UC wants students with much more than music preferences and pride in their family culture. Universities are looking for students who can offer the ability to change and grow, and to serve others and community, and change others for the better.

Answer 2

Here are some excellent websites with ideas that will help you. I think you need to scrap (or barely mention) what you started with!

http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/admissions/undergrad_adm/apply/how_apply/personal_statement.html

http://www.collegeboard.com/student/apply/essay-skills/9406.html

http://www.smmusd.org/samohi/english/htmls/uc_app.htm

http://www.college-admission-essay.com/admissionessayresources.html

http://www.goodessaytopics.com/college-application-essay-topics.html