Question
We had a health checkup at school.
We had to go to hospital. My hearing was OK. My eyes had no problem. So I don't need to wear glasses. I grew 5 cm from last year! The only problem I had was that I have to go to the dentist's. I have two decayed teeth. I have to have a wisdom tooth pulled out.
From now on, I have to take care of my teeth. I will not forget to brush my teeth after eating.
(Would you like to check the passage? Thank you.)
We had to go to hospital. My hearing was OK. My eyes had no problem. So I don't need to wear glasses. I grew 5 cm from last year! The only problem I had was that I have to go to the dentist's. I have two decayed teeth. I have to have a wisdom tooth pulled out.
From now on, I have to take care of my teeth. I will not forget to brush my teeth after eating.
(Would you like to check the passage? Thank you.)
Answers
Writeacher
It's pretty good ... nice work!
Here are three things, though:
1. Was the health check-up at school or at the hospital?
2. To correct fragment: <i>My eyes were no problem, so I don't need to wear glasses.</i>
3. You need the word "since" instead of "from" -- <i>I grew 5 cm since last year!</i>
Here are three things, though:
1. Was the health check-up at school or at the hospital?
2. To correct fragment: <i>My eyes were no problem, so I don't need to wear glasses.</i>
3. You need the word "since" instead of "from" -- <i>I grew 5 cm since last year!</i>
PsyDAG
Here are some additional points.
Who is the "We"? Without a referent, it is unclear. Might want to have it all in terms of "I" or specify the "we" group.
"We had to go to the hospital."
Who is the "We"? Without a referent, it is unclear. Might want to have it all in terms of "I" or specify the "we" group.
"We had to go to the hospital."