Question
can you fix my essay and add this stuff in it
The thesis is somewhat clear; the central ideas stand out, are well chosen, and have focus and control.
The development of ideas is somewhat effective.
The writer illustrates ideas with specific examples.
The information conveyed has limited inferences.
Content and selected details are well-suited to the audience and purpose.
Organization
The beginning, middle, and end are linked clearly to the thesis.
The order of ideas is somewhat easy to follow, and all paragraphs do not have clear topic sentences.
Sentences and paragraphs need transition words for phrases to help flow from one to the next in a way that makes sense by using clear, effective transitions.
The conclusion restates the topic idea/ thesis but needs more details to support the topic.
Word Choice
Words are simplistic.
Language is respectful; tone is appropriate.
The writer needs to add vivid words to create images in the read
The Worst Move
I have moved way too many times. I have moved so many times I can't even
remember the towns I've lived in . But I’m gonna tell you about my biggest move. One of
the most difficult experiences in my life.
It was a cold silent Utah morning. I was living with members of my family we were all
sitting in the kitchen when we were told we were all moving. Zack my stepfather said
that we were moving to Texas to be closer to his family. I was frustrated at the fact we
had only been here for a year. And he already wants to move. The reason why I loved
Utah the way I did was because, I felt free in Utah because the cold breeze that never
left the mountain range that made the area very pretty
My mother was pregnant so she was extra grouchy which made packing
and moving unbearable, and super difficult. What made me change my mind about
Texas was the pronghorn I saw in New Mexico on the way here. My favorite thing is
when I go fishing. I like it because of the quiet and peace that comes with it.The
challenges of living here have pushed my family to adapt to the heat and to a small
home.
I’ve learned many things while in texas like you should probably wear shoes in dry grass and to flip logs with your boots not your hands. Living here this long has made me
feel comfortable with my surroundings because of the way I've been treated here by
friends and with family. this was a difficult move because of the family and experiences
I left behind but after getting here I pushed through to make friends.
The thesis is somewhat clear; the central ideas stand out, are well chosen, and have focus and control.
The development of ideas is somewhat effective.
The writer illustrates ideas with specific examples.
The information conveyed has limited inferences.
Content and selected details are well-suited to the audience and purpose.
Organization
The beginning, middle, and end are linked clearly to the thesis.
The order of ideas is somewhat easy to follow, and all paragraphs do not have clear topic sentences.
Sentences and paragraphs need transition words for phrases to help flow from one to the next in a way that makes sense by using clear, effective transitions.
The conclusion restates the topic idea/ thesis but needs more details to support the topic.
Word Choice
Words are simplistic.
Language is respectful; tone is appropriate.
The writer needs to add vivid words to create images in the read
The Worst Move
I have moved way too many times. I have moved so many times I can't even
remember the towns I've lived in . But I’m gonna tell you about my biggest move. One of
the most difficult experiences in my life.
It was a cold silent Utah morning. I was living with members of my family we were all
sitting in the kitchen when we were told we were all moving. Zack my stepfather said
that we were moving to Texas to be closer to his family. I was frustrated at the fact we
had only been here for a year. And he already wants to move. The reason why I loved
Utah the way I did was because, I felt free in Utah because the cold breeze that never
left the mountain range that made the area very pretty
My mother was pregnant so she was extra grouchy which made packing
and moving unbearable, and super difficult. What made me change my mind about
Texas was the pronghorn I saw in New Mexico on the way here. My favorite thing is
when I go fishing. I like it because of the quiet and peace that comes with it.The
challenges of living here have pushed my family to adapt to the heat and to a small
home.
I’ve learned many things while in texas like you should probably wear shoes in dry grass and to flip logs with your boots not your hands. Living here this long has made me
feel comfortable with my surroundings because of the way I've been treated here by
friends and with family. this was a difficult move because of the family and experiences
I left behind but after getting here I pushed through to make friends.
Answers
Answer
can you add all of this in one essay in my words
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