You are talking to someone who is responding defensively what can you do to encourage civil discourse

Question

Find a point of agreement between you, Ask thoughtful questions about their point of view

Answer 1

Engaging in civil discourse with someone who is being defensive can be challenging, but it is possible to encourage a more constructive conversation. Here are some strategies you can use:

1. Find a Point of Agreement: Begin by highlighting any areas where you both share similar views or concerns. This can help establish common ground and make the other person feel understood and validated. For example, you might say, "I can see that we both care deeply about [shared issue]."

2. Ask Thoughtful Questions: Show genuine curiosity about their perspective by asking open-ended questions. This encourages them to express their thoughts more fully and demonstrates that you value their opinion. For instance, you could ask, "Can you tell me more about why you feel that way?" or "What experiences have led you to this viewpoint?"

3. Practice Active Listening: Make sure to listen attentively to their responses without interrupting. Nod and give verbal acknowledgments to show you are engaged. This can help decrease their defensiveness as they feel that you are truly hearing them.

4. Use "I" Statements: When sharing your perspective, frame your statements using "I" instead of "you." This reduces the chances of sounding accusatory. For example, say "I feel that..." instead of "You should..."

5. Acknowledge Their Feelings: If they express strong emotions, acknowledge those feelings by saying something like, "I can see that this topic is really important to you." This demonstrates empathy and can help lower defenses.

6. Stay Calm and Patient: Maintain a calm demeanor, even if the conversation becomes heated. If you remain composed, it can influence the other person to also adopt a more measured approach.

7. Focus on Solutions: If applicable, steer the conversation toward potential solutions or actions you both can agree on. Ask, "What do you think could be a positive way forward regarding this issue?"

8. Set Boundaries if Needed: If the conversation escalates or becomes unproductive, it may be helpful to suggest taking a break and revisiting the topic later when both parties may be more receptive.

By employing these strategies, you can foster a more respectful and constructive dialogue, even when faced with defensiveness.