Why does Buddha hate me?
We are a homework help group that assist students in learning. Your questions are becoming far removed from that goal.
If you have questions relating to homework help, we will be happy to assist you. We do not do personal counseling, nor or qualified for it. Thanks.
Bobpursley is correct. None of us is qualified to handle this level of counseling, personal or religious. You may also need to seek help from a Buddhist priest or monk, as suggested yesterday by MattsRiceBowl. Please seek the appropriate help.