Who wouldn’t want the chance to go to Puerto Rico? I have been excited for this band trip opportunity since it was introduced last winter. A once in a lifetime opportunity to share my love of music and explore another culture is an eyeopening experience! I believe I am a good candidate for this band scholarship because along the lines of what Mr. Schmitz has said, in order for me to help you, you have to help yourself first. I have participated in the band fundraisers over the past two years and plan on continuing to fundraise for the trip. Over the summer I got a job at the St. Louis Park Rec Center (luckily they hire at age 15) to earn money specifically for the Puerto Rico trip. I also mowed a neighbor’s lawn weekly, babysat and I raked leaves. I even watched my neighbors house and cat while she was away. I have been saving as much as I can to put toward the cost of this awesome adventure. I still do not have enough to pay for the Puerto Rico trip by myself. This band scholarship would help me immensely to be able to accomplish my goal of going on the trip to Puerto Rico this Spring Break.

The way that I see the Puerto Rico band trip is a way for me to be immersed in another culture, to be able to practice my spanish while bonding with the band family and to enjoy sharing the language of music. This opportunity of traveling with the band is one that would not have been imaginable with my family. I am paying for the cost of this on my own because my family can not afford to help pay for me to go. I have an older brother who is a Freshman in college and a younger brother that is in second grade. They have also had unexpected medical bills to contend with. Even if my parents were able to help me pay for the trip, I would still do my best to pay for the trip on my own because I feel that it is important for people to work for the things they want in life.
Playing La Boriqueña in band class has been a learning experience and will be a great way to connect with the people and culture during our trip. The experience that I will gain by going to Puerto Rico will be lifechanging. It has the possibility of enhancing my musicianship skills as well as my personal experiences. This trip is a way to become closer as a band family and take the classroom experience out of school and I want to be a part of this. I am very confident that I will be able to raise enough money and attain my goal of going on the band trip to Puerto Rico with the help of this scholarship.

2 answers

This is very good. I'd divide it into paragraphs, though.
Thanks for the suggetions and feedback!