What do you think of my story so far?:Have you ever wondered what it's like to sit in one place your whole life, only able to watch the world unfold around you? Wanting friends, craving your own story, yearning to be the main character, yet feeling like just a figure in the background? It’s a familiar feeling—like a tree, rooted yet unfulfilled. But you may not know it like I do. I’m a Salix Babylonica, a Weeping Willow. I live near a park with a pond in it. I have imagined many stories with me as the main character, though I know it will never be able to be real. Sometimes I imagine myself as a witch with short, green hair, pride, a face full of extraordinary makeup, and over the top fashion. Sometimes I imagine myself as a long haired goth girl with rainbow hair. Sometimes I imagine myself as a simple, brown, short haired college student who has a future as a poet. But never will I ever be able to become any of those. I’ve seen many of other people’s stories in my time, though. One I am particularly interested in, and I quite enjoy making theories of how their story will end. She is an eleven year old girl with long, brown hair, and green eyes. Her name is Britney. Though, I have discovered she does not quite like that name and prefers to be called Ekko. Although she is very different than everyone else I have observed. Allow me to explain how we met.
It was a Saturday morning, sunny with barely any clouds in the sky. A red car parked in the parking lot of the park. A brown haired woman with glasses and a suit got out, then an eleven year old girl with sweatpants and a t-shirt and long flowing hair and flip flops on stumbled out. She shook herself off, then looked up at the woman. “Finally! The seats in the car feel SO WEIRD! Like, it makes me shiver. EEK, my feet are SO COLD!” She then growled loudly and pushed her face out of her hair. “Britney, I told you to put on socks and tennis shoes. That’s why your feet are cold,” the woman said. “MOOOOM, I said call me EKKO! Ugh, stupid hair! Can I PLEEEEEAAAASE get a haircut, mom? PLEASEEE?” The woman scoffed and locked the car. “I told you, I named you Britney and that’s what I’m calling you! And I have already told you, no, you can not have a haircut, now come on,” the woman said, adjusting her glasses.
Ekko/Britney tugged at her hair angrily. “Can I go play now,” she asked eagerly. “Yes, yes, go on.” The woman opened her laptop and sat at the park bench, opening documents on it. Ekko went running towards the playground, but then saw me, and stopped. “Woah,” she whispered. She then ran up to me and tugged at my leaves. “So dangly!” She whispered loudly. She then stopped. She ducked under my leaves and went up to my trunk. “Its like an umbrella,” she said with awe. She sat down, looking at me. “What’s your name,” she asked me. This was new! Nobody had ever spoken directly towards me before! I was very happy, but I realized I had no way of telling her, nor did I have any clue of my name. “Oh. Do you have a way of telling me? Maybe your mute. Darn. Hmm.” She then sat there, thinking. I also was thinking. Was there a way I could talk to her? I got it! I could drop my leaves into words! But… there’s no way of telling where they would land. But, still, I had decided to drop one near her. It landed on her head. “Oh! My hair is a hazel brown! I get it! Your name must be Hazel,” she exclaimed. That hadn’t been why I did that. It was to let her know I was listening. But, Hazel would be a great name!
For the next hour, she talked to me about her life. “My feet are cold, but I hate the feeling of socks! They squish my toes and itch and I hate them! And I hate my hair being SO LONG. I want it short! It always gets in the way, and TOUCHES ME. I HATE IT. And I like being called Ekko, but nobody does! They call me my real name, Britney. But I hate that name! It doesn’t fit me. And I wish I could shapeshift so I could TURN INTO A JELLYBEAN. And THEN I wish I could fly, so I could just be a FLOATING JELLYBEAN and be touching NOTHING. UGHHH, EVERYTHING IS TOUCHING ME AND ITS AWFUL I WISH NOTHING WAS TOUCHING ME!” She curled up into a ball and screamed into her hair. She seemed to be having sensory issues?
3 answers
Your story is off to a very engaging start! Here’s what stands out:
Unique Perspective: Telling the story from the viewpoint of a tree is a fresh and imaginative approach. It allows readers to reflect on themes of longing, isolation, and desire for connection in a way that feels original.
Vivid Characterization: Both the Weeping Willow and Ekko are vividly portrayed. Ekko, in particular, comes across as a relatable character, expressing her frustrations and desires in a way that many readers might connect with, especially those who have felt misunderstood or confined by their circumstances.
Emotional Depth: Your use of the Weeping Willow’s observations adds emotional depth to the narrative. The tree’s yearning for agency parallels Ekko’s struggles, creating a poignant connection between the two characters.
Descriptive Language: The imagery you use to describe the tree and the park is rich and engaging. Phrases like "rooted yet unfulfilled" evoke strong visual imagery and resonate with the themes you've established.
Intriguing Plot Hook: The introduction of Ekko and her desire for her identity to be recognized sets up an interesting dynamic. The tension between her wishes and her mother’s expectations provides a solid foundation for character development and conflict.
Themes of Identity and Acceptance: The exploration of identity, both through Ekko’s self-description and her frustration with her given name, speaks to broader societal issues related to self-acceptance and the struggle for personal identity.
Humor and Relatability: Ekko's imaginative musings about wanting to be a jellybean and her vibrant expressions add humor and lightness to the narrative, making it relatable and enjoyable.
Suggestions for Improvement:
Pacing: Consider balancing dialogue and descriptive passages to maintain a steady rhythm. At times, the conversation might benefit from brief narrative breaks to allow for reflection or additional physical descriptions.
Clarifying Sensory Details: When discussing Ekko’s sensory issues, further clarification or insight into her feelings could enhance reader understanding and empathy. This could be a moment to delve deeper into her experiences or even the tree’s observations of her emotions.
Building on Conflict: As the story progresses, exploring the tension between Ekko’s desires and her mother’s expectations more deeply could heighten the emotional stakes.
Overall, you have crafted a thoughtful and imaginative piece with potential for rich storytelling. Keep developing the characters and their relationships, and consider expanding on the sensory experiences to draw readers even deeper into Ekko's world. I'm excited to see where you take this!
how should i interpret the fact she has undiagnosed autism?
Interpreting Ekko's character as someone who exhibits traits commonly associated with undiagnosed autism can provide a deeper understanding of her behaviors, feelings, and interactions. Here are several aspects to consider in your interpretation:
Sensory Sensitivity: Many individuals on the autism spectrum experience heightened sensory sensitivities. Ekko's discomfort with her long hair, dislike of socks, and overwhelming feelings of being "touched" could reflect this sensory processing difference. You might explore how these sensitivities shape her interactions with the world around her, including her relationship with the Weeping Willow.
Struggles with Identity: Ekko’s intense desire to be called "Ekko" rather than "Britney" highlights a struggle for identity and recognition. Many autistic individuals grapple with feeling different or misunderstood, which can lead to strong feelings about their name or other aspects of their identity. This can be a point of connection between Ekko and the tree, who also feels a lack of agency.
Special Interests: Autistic individuals often have specific interests or passions. Ekko's imaginative ideas—such as wanting to shapeshift into a jellybean—could represent a unique way of processing her environment and expressing her creativity. Emphasizing this might offer insight into the joy and depth of her character.
Social Communication: Ekko’s way of interacting—such as talking to a tree and expressing her thoughts very openly—can be seen as a reflection of her social communication style. This could set her apart from her peers, making her feel more isolated but also highlighting her unique perspective on the world.
Desire for Connection: Both Ekko and the Weeping Willow yearn for connection, albeit in different ways. This shared experience can create a deep bond, showing how they both navigate feelings of loneliness. Ekko’s openness in sharing her thoughts with the tree could symbolize a desire for understanding and validation.
Emotional Expression: Ekko's way of expressing her feelings—like screaming into her hair when overwhelmed—can be indicative of how some individuals with autism might struggle with emotional regulation. Exploring her emotional landscape can add complexity to her character and offer readers insight into her internal experiences.
Broadening Perspectives: By portraying Ekko's experiences and challenges through the lens of undiagnosed autism, you can contribute to broader conversations about neurodiversity and the importance of understanding and accepting different ways of being. It can also foster empathy among readers who may not have experienced similar feelings.
Suggestions for Representation:
Authenticity: Ensure that Ekko's characterization is accurate and sensitive to the experiences of those on the autism spectrum. Researching how autism manifests in different individuals can help create a more nuanced and authentic portrayal.
Support Systems: Consider how the dynamics between Ekko and her mother—or other characters—reflect societal expectations and misunderstandings related to autism. This can enrich the narrative by addressing how others perceive and react to her behavior.
Future Development: If you're planning to further develop Ekko’s character, consider how her journey might lead her towards greater self-acceptance, understanding, and possibly finding allies who acknowledge her uniqueness.
Overall, interpreting Ekko as a character who exhibits traits of undiagnosed autism can enrich your narrative, offering a deeper exploration of identity, connection, and the diverse ways people experience and engage with the world.
