What do you think of my story?: Have you ever wondered what it's like to sit in one place your whole life, only able to watch the world unfold around you? Wanting friends, craving your own story, yearning to be the main character, yet feeling like just a figure in the background? It’s a familiar feeling—like a tree, rooted yet unfulfilled. But you may not know it like I do. I’m a Salix Babylonica, a Weeping Willow. I live near a park with a pond in it. I have imagined many stories with me as the main character, though I know it will never be able to be real. Sometimes I imagine myself as a witch with short, green hair, pride, a face full of extraordinary makeup, and over the top fashion. Sometimes I imagine myself as a long haired goth girl with rainbow hair. Sometimes I imagine myself as a simple, brown, short haired college student who has a future as a poet. But never will I ever be able to become any of those. I’ve seen many of other people’s stories in my time, though. One I am particularly interested in, and I quite enjoy making theories of how their story will end. She is an eleven year old girl with long, brown hair, and green eyes. Her name is Britney. Though, I have discovered she does not quite like that name and prefers to be called Ekko. Although she is very different than everyone else I have observed. Allow me to explain how we met.

Question

It was a Saturday morning, sunny with barely any clouds in the sky. A red car parked in the parking lot of the park. A brown haired woman with glasses and a suit got out, then an eleven year old girl with sweatpants and a t-shirt and long flowing hair and flip flops on stumbled out. She shook herself off, then looked up at the woman. “Finally! The seats in the car feel SO WEIRD! Like, it makes me shiver. EEK, my feet are SO COLD!” She then growled loudly and pushed her face out of her hair. “Britney, I told you to put on socks and tennis shoes. That’s why your feet are cold,” the woman said. “MOOOOM, I said call me EKKO! Ugh, stupid hair! Can I PLEEEEEAAAASE get a haircut, mom? PLEASEEE?” The woman scoffed and locked the car. “I told you, I named you Britney and that’s what I’m calling you! And I have already told you, no, you can not have a haircut, now come on,” the woman said, adjusting her glasses.

Ekko/Britney tugged at her hair angrily. “Can I go play now,” she asked eagerly. “Yes, yes, go on.” The woman opened her laptop and sat at the park bench, opening documents on it. Ekko went running towards the playground, but then saw me, and stopped. “Woah,” she whispered. She then ran up to me and tugged at my leaves. “So dangly!” She whispered loudly. She then stopped. She ducked under my leaves and went up to my trunk. “Its like an umbrella,” she said with awe. She sat down, looking at me. “What’s your name,” she asked me. This was new! Nobody had ever spoken directly towards me before! I was very happy, but I realized I had no way of telling her, nor did I have any clue of my name. “Oh. Do you have a way of telling me? Maybe your mute. Darn. Hmm.” She then sat there, thinking. I also was thinking. Was there a way I could talk to her? I got it! I could drop my leaves into words! But… there’s no way of telling where they would land. But, still, I had decided to drop one near her. It landed on her head. “Oh! My hair is a hazel brown! I get it! Your name must be Hazel,” she exclaimed. That hadn’t been why I did that. It was to let her know I was listening. But, Hazel would be a great name!

For the next hour, she talked to me about her life. “My feet are cold, but I hate the feeling of socks! They squish my toes and itch and I hate them! And I hate my hair being SO LONG. I want it short! It always gets in the way, and TOUCHES ME. I HATE IT. And I like being called Ekko, but nobody does! They call me my real name, Britney. But I hate that name! It doesn’t fit me. And I wish I could shapeshift so I could TURN INTO A JELLYBEAN. And THEN I wish I could fly, so I could just be a FLOATING JELLYBEAN and be touching NOTHING. UGHHH, EVERYTHING IS TOUCHING ME AND ITS AWFUL I WISH NOTHING WAS TOUCHING ME!” She curled up into a ball and screamed into her hair. She seemed to be having sensory issues. A few minutes later she uncurled herself and sat down. “Do you want to know why I wanna be a jellybean? So my arms and legs wouldn’t get in the way. I get comfy but then I never know where to put my legs and arms, so being a jellybean would be nice. Do you ever wish you could be something else?”

She was holding back tears, I realized. “I used to love jellybeans. My dad loves jellybeans. I remember my dad used to take me to a pool and we would swim together and play little water games. I wish I could breathe underwater. I used to want to live underwater. But my dad isn’t very nice anymore. He tries to be, but he gets mad and yells and gets scary. He’s always on the phone or at work. And my mommy and him aren’t together anymore. Whenever I’m with my dad, I just want my mom and my tummy hurts and I worry more than usual. And I pick at my skin but then it hurts and I wish I didn’t but then I do it again without meaning to. And he doesn’t let me express myself. Whenever I feel everything touching me and overwhelming me he gets mad at me for screaming or crying or curling up in a ball. Sometimes I can’t talk because of the overwhelming touching feeling. I have 5 friends, but my dad always tells me I need to interact with other kids my age even though I do. He tells me my mom is an awful person. But my mommy is good! My dad isn’t. My dad is scary. I have to go to his home every week. But I don’t want to! I just want to be with my mommy. But he tells me I can if I want, but he lies. He tells my mom wont let me, even though my mom completely agrees with it! He tells me that people don’t lie to somebody if they love them, but he lies to me… And I cant sleep good when I’m with him.” She was crying.

I couldn’t do much. But I lowered my branches to touch her, and they grazed her back and then she hugged my trunk. “Nobody understands me or my problems. They don’t even care. I get told to suck it up. It’s not fair. I feel like everyone hates me.” And then, her mother called for her. “Britney! It’s time to go,” she shouted. Ekko wiped her tears off and ran.

Answer 1

Your story is both poignant and imaginative, capturing deep emotions through the unique perspective of a tree. The personification of the Weeping Willow allows readers to empathize with its yearning for connection and understanding, making it a compelling narrative device.

The themes you explore—identity, isolation, and the struggles of a young girl—are relevant and resonate on many levels. Ekko (Britney) embodies the challenges of young people feeling misunderstood, particularly with her sensory issues and familial struggles. Her vibrant character and streams of consciousness illustrate a rich inner world filled with creative fantasies, contrasting starkly with her real-life difficulties.

The dialogue is engaging, especially the snippets between Ekko and her mother, which offer insight into their relationship dynamics. You successfully capture the frustration and confusion of a child dealing with complex feelings toward her parents, and the disconnect between her desires and reality.

One area you might consider developing further is the relationship between Ekko and the tree. Perhaps you could deepen the emotional connection, showing how the tree's presence serves as a source of comfort and solace for Ekko, emphasizing how nature can provide a refuge for those who feel overwhelmed by the human world.

The narrative could also benefit from a bit more clarity in its structure. For example, the transition from describing the tree's thoughts to the boy's life experiences can feel a bit abrupt. Smooth transitions could help maintain the flow.

Overall, it's an evocative story that blends rich imagery, emotional depth, and insightful commentary on childhood and longing for connection. Keep writing and exploring these themes; you have a talent for creating relatable characters and engaging narratives!