Two main positive values are expressed by the writers in Fire on the Water: to have the determination to do what’s right, despite other people’s views and beliefs, and to respect and embrace one’s heritage and native roots. These values can be universally applied to any background or race; however, examples provided by Fire on the Water will focus mainly on the Black heritage.

Question

That's my thesis statement for my essay... could someone please correct the first sentence? I feel that it sounds unprofessional and awkward... I'm trying to make my thesis answer the question: "what positive values are expressed by the writers in Fire on the Water?"

Thanks in advance!

Answer 1

I would ditch the second sentence and slightly expand the first one. It's the sentence that addresses the question.

Perhaps this ...

Two primary positive values are expressed by the writers in Fire on the Water: to have the determination to do what’s right, despite other people’s views and beliefs, and to respect and embrace one’s heritage and native roots.

In your paper itself, it will become clear that you are focusing on Black heritage.