To begin, it was a scorching August summer day, which made me realize that summer break was coming to an end. I tried to involve myself in some activities before summer break ended. Me and my mom planned to go to the mall together, for some back-to-school clothes. As I was getting some stuff ready, I could hear my mom call me for breakfast. The scent of coffee reminded me that my dad was still home since he frequently drank coffee.

As I sat down, I could hear soft barking outside, meaning the dogs were awake. "Hey, could you check on the dogs to make sure they're okay?" my mom asked as she flipped the bacon. "Yes, of course," I quickly replied. Though not always my favorite task, I enjoyed patting their soft, warm fur and engaging in playful activities with them around the house. I could already imagine the dogs, wagging their tails with excitement and revealing emotion through their eyes. As I approached the door, a feeling of nervousness came over me.
Suddenly, I heard loud frantic barking from outside. I rushed out the door and was met with a heartbreaking scene. Diana lying lifeless on the cold cobblestone road. I was frozen in shock. After a few minutes, my mom came after hearing the loud commotion. I saw her try to take Diana's body away from the road, while she was calling my dad for help.
My older sister led me into the house. I could hear shouting outside,

what could I add ?

1 answer

To enhance your narrative, consider expanding on the emotional experience, the details of the scene, and the reactions of the characters. Here’s a suggestion on how you might continue:


As I stood there, my heart raced and my mind struggled to comprehend what I was seeing. The bright August sun felt harsh against my skin, casting stark shadows that only intensified the gravity of the moment. I blinked, hoping to wake from a terrible dream, but the sight before me remained unchanged—Diana, our beloved golden retriever, lay motionless on the cobblestone road.

My sister held my trembling shoulders, her face a mixture of sympathy and fear. "It’s gonna be okay," she whispered, though her eyes betrayed the truth they both feared to voice. I could hear the distant sound of tires screeching as the reality of how this could have happened settled in—could it have been a car? A careless driver?

The barking of our other dog, Max, echoed in the background, a mournful cry that shattered the silence around us. His tiny body was pressed against the door as he scratched frantically, wanting to be released to find his lost companion. I could only imagine the confusion and concern in his eyes.

Volume elevated outside, and I caught snippets of my mom's frantic calls, pleading with my dad to help. "We need to get her off the road, please, just—please!" Her voice trembled, tinged with panic, and it felt like a weight pressed down on me, making it hard to breathe.

I turned to my sister, who was trying to keep me grounded. "Do you think she’s...?" I couldn't finish the thought. It felt too heavy, too unbearable. My sister’s grip tightened on my shoulders, as if she were holding me together as much as she held herself.

“Just stay here for a minute,” she urged gently. “Let them handle it.”

As I tried to focus on the familiar sounds of home—the sizzling bacon, the gentle rustling of leaves in the summer breeze—my mind drifted to memories of Diana. Running through the fields, her joyful barks, the way she would nuzzle up to me on cold nights. Each memory felt like a harsh reminder of what was lost, etching a hole deeper in my heart.

Suddenly, the front door burst open and my mom rushed in, her eyes red-rimmed and glistening with unshed tears. "We need to talk to the vet. She...she's gone," she managed to speak through her sobs, her voice barely above a whisper.

The reality of the situation hit me with full force, as the world around me seemed to blur. The normalcy of the day shattered like glass, leaving nothing but fragments of confusion and grief. I felt a tear escape down my cheek, and my sister brought me into a hug, allowing me to find some semblance of comfort amidst the chaos.

“It’s not fair,” I finally whispered, a refrain that echoed in our hearts as we faced the profound loss. As we sat together, holding on to each other in that moment of vulnerability, I realized that life as we knew it had permanently changed, and the ache would stay with us long after the summer ended.


This addition deepens the emotional impact of the scene and allows readers to connect with the characters in their moment of grief. It also hints at the changes this event may bring to the family dynamic, setting the stage for further development.