Volunteering is an amazing experience that not only allows you to help your community but also yourself. It gives you the opportunity to learn about yourself. For example, at first I wanted to become a veterinarian so I volunteered at an animal shelter. I loved working with dogs, but not with cats so I realized I could not be a Veterinarian. However working with children is something I thought I would not like, because I am not patient, but working at Hazeltine elementary school last summer showed me I do have patience.
The first day of working with Mr. Ordonez fourth grade class, I had to give a reading test to the children. As each child came to me, I timed them on their reading; I felt like a teacher. Most of the children read 110 words per minute, except Elizabeth who read 30 words per minute. When the teacher found out, he asked me if I could help Elizabeth. I worked with her every day. I would drill her on vocabulary words, and make her read a book every week. I told her that reading was great because you get to learn new things and improve your reading. Sometimes she did not want to do work or read; she always complained. I told her that all she needed to do was to find one great book and she would love to read. She whined constantly; I wanted to give up and let her do what she wanted, then I thought if I did not push her, no one would. One day I saw Elizabeth reading a book I had not assigned her; I will never forget that book “The Lovely Bones.” When I asked her why she was reading that book she replied, “I wanted to read one of your favorite books, and so far it is my favorite too.” From that day on I saw her reading that book at recess and lunch. She started volunteering to read in class, something she had never done before. The teacher was amazed at her improvement in English and at her participation in class.
Helping Elizabeth with reading and seeing her improvement made me feel proud of her and of myself. I felt proud of making a difference in someone else’s life. All she needed was someone to support her and someone to give her a push. I know this because I also hated to read as a child, and like her someone had to push me to read. This experience will always be memorable to me.
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Volunteering is an amazing experience that not only allows you to help your community but also yourself. It gives you the opportunity to learn about yourself. For example, at first I wanted to become a veterinarian so I volunteered at an animal shelter. I loved working with dogs, but not with cats so I realized I could not be a Veterinarian. However working with children is something I thought I would not like, because I am not patient, but working at Hazeltine elementary school last summer showed me I do have patience.
The first day of working with Mr. Ordonez fourth grade class, I had to give a reading test to the children. As each child came to me, I timed them on their reading; I felt like a teacher. Most of the children read 110 words per minute, except Elizabeth who read 30 words per minute. When the teacher found out, he asked me if I could help Elizabeth. I worked with her every day. I would drill her on vocabulary words, and make her read a book every week. I told her that reading was great because you get to learn new things and improve your reading. Sometimes she did not want to do work or read; she always complained. I told her that all she needed to do was to find one great book and she would love to read. She whined constantly; I wanted to give up and let her do what she wanted, then I thought if I did not push her, no one would. One day I saw Elizabeth reading a book I had not assigned her; I will never forget that book “The Lovely Bones.” When I asked her why she was reading that book she replied, “I wanted to read one of your favorite books, and so far it is my favorite too.” From that day on I saw her reading that book at recess and lunch. She started volunteering to read in class, something she had never done before. The teacher was amazed at her improvement in English and at her participation in class.
Helping Elizabeth with reading and seeing her improvement made me feel proud of her and of myself. I felt proud of making a difference in someone else’s life. All she needed was someone to support her and someone to give her a push. I know this because I also hated to read as a child, and like her someone had to push me to read. This experience will always be memorable to me.
2 answers
Volunteering is an amazing experience that not only allows you to help your community but also yourself. It gives you the opportunity to learn about yourself. For example, at first I wanted to become a veterinarian so I volunteered at an animal shelter. I loved working with dogs, but not with cats so I realized I could not be a Veterinarian. However working with children is something I thought I would not like, because I am not patient, but working at Hazeltine elementary school last summer showed me I do have patience. Rephrase to get rid of all the second-person references ("you" and all its forms); check for correct capitalization - where it's needed and where it's not.
The first day of working with Mr. Ordonez fourth grade class, I had to give a reading test to the children. As each child came to me, I timed them on their reading; I felt like a teacher. Most of the children read 110 words per minute, except Elizabeth who read 30 words per minute. When the teacher found out, he asked me if I could help Elizabeth. I worked with her every day. I would drill her on vocabulary words, and make her read a book every week. I told her that reading was great because you get to learn new things and improve your reading. Sometimes she did not want to do work or read; she always complained. I told her that all she needed to do was to find one great book and she would love to read. She whined constantly; I wanted to give up and let her do what she wanted, then I thought if I did not push her, no one would. One day I saw Elizabeth reading a book I had not assigned her; I will never forget that book “The Lovely Bones.” When I asked her why she was reading that book she replied, “I wanted to read one of your favorite books, and so far it is my favorite too.” From that day on I saw her reading that book at recess and lunch. She started volunteering to read in class, something she had never done before. The teacher was amazed at her improvement in English and at her participation in class. Add "On" at the beginning of the first sentence; check on formation and use of possessive nouns; check on comma usage - when a comma is needed and when it's not; check on logic ("sometimes" and "always" in the same sentence?); correct run-on.
Helping Elizabeth with reading and seeing her improvement made me feel proud of her and of myself. I felt proud of making a difference in someone else’s life. All she needed was someone to support her and someone to give her a push. I know this because I also hated to read as a child, and like her someone had to push me to read. This experience will always be memorable to me. Good, clear paragraph!
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/subject_object.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/capitals.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm
The first day of working with Mr. Ordonez fourth grade class, I had to give a reading test to the children. As each child came to me, I timed them on their reading; I felt like a teacher. Most of the children read 110 words per minute, except Elizabeth who read 30 words per minute. When the teacher found out, he asked me if I could help Elizabeth. I worked with her every day. I would drill her on vocabulary words, and make her read a book every week. I told her that reading was great because you get to learn new things and improve your reading. Sometimes she did not want to do work or read; she always complained. I told her that all she needed to do was to find one great book and she would love to read. She whined constantly; I wanted to give up and let her do what she wanted, then I thought if I did not push her, no one would. One day I saw Elizabeth reading a book I had not assigned her; I will never forget that book “The Lovely Bones.” When I asked her why she was reading that book she replied, “I wanted to read one of your favorite books, and so far it is my favorite too.” From that day on I saw her reading that book at recess and lunch. She started volunteering to read in class, something she had never done before. The teacher was amazed at her improvement in English and at her participation in class. Add "On" at the beginning of the first sentence; check on formation and use of possessive nouns; check on comma usage - when a comma is needed and when it's not; check on logic ("sometimes" and "always" in the same sentence?); correct run-on.
Helping Elizabeth with reading and seeing her improvement made me feel proud of her and of myself. I felt proud of making a difference in someone else’s life. All she needed was someone to support her and someone to give her a push. I know this because I also hated to read as a child, and like her someone had to push me to read. This experience will always be memorable to me. Good, clear paragraph!
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/subject_object.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/capitals.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm
2 answers